Stepping forward towards full recovery.

I put a lot of effort into trying to get used to, first the idea, of getting more fat on my body. I felt safe feeling my bones before. To feel fat instead will be strange, but it should be possible to feel safe about fat too. More physical safe at least. I have been underweight for very many years so it is not easy to picture my self fuller. I have played with the idea of changing my style of clothing, just for the fun of it, making this change of body into something exciting. I have also thought maybe I should try to be a really good cook. In recovery one has so little energy, so reading recipes, making tasty food and even invite people over would be a big change, but a positive one. I almost only eat salads and can't make hot meals, not a sauce, because I never eat such "fattening" luxery. I am also nervous when eating with others, but I will not be much nervous when I invite to dinner and when I am not afraid of gaining weight from it. I do love food so why not support that interest and make the best of it? Many with an ED look at recipes and make food for others. I am not one of them. I feel it is more interesting in a recovery when it is all about food and rest anyway.

About body image I look at plus size models and look for the beauty in them. In comparison the skinny models look boring. I haven't thought that before. I am getting bored of my own skinny body as well. I hope I get so bored I gladly cover it up with fat soon. Yesterday I thought: Why on earth do we want to look so weak? It is almost embarressing. For me respect is the most important thing I want from others and myself, so why weak? I thought skinny and active would give respect, and it does perhaps from some, anyway, but skinny and with low energy? Not so much! I am actively changing my mind set to be prepared for a recovery success.