I buy mens clothes. I have done it since I was 16. Then I used ties and smoked using a pipe:)
When I am weight restored i will buy myself a nice suit.
I love hoodies. They are perfect for warming the neck when outside and they are comfy as I wear them in many sizes too big. The clothes can't be tight. I mostly wear thick cotton sweatpants, and love large mens shirts, mens boots, baggy jeans and winter jackets! I feel more feminine with mens clothes and more masculine in womens clothes. I only had a pair of heels when i learned to dance tango. I have a male friend who think women looks better in male clothes because they look more feminine then. He wears clothes that gives an illusion that he is hard and cruel, but when he shows his feelings he is the opposite of that illusion.
I think some of the reason I wear these clothes is that I don't want people to expect anything old fashion female from me, like my mothers vanity that takes her to serve men and reducing her self to an object in the process. I was surprised when she wanted me to be like her, a hostess too, when i was 14 or so. I was like: Really???
I
would never put my self under a man like that and live to be desirable
for men. I want to make that perfectly clear by my clothes that I do not
want to look sexy and I do not want men to think I will please their
desires.
To be skinny has been a way to not draw attention to my tits and ass, or the lack of them, but clothing will help a lot too.
When I am weight restored i will buy myself a nice suit.
I love hoodies. They are perfect for warming the neck when outside and they are comfy as I wear them in many sizes too big. The clothes can't be tight. I mostly wear thick cotton sweatpants, and love large mens shirts, mens boots, baggy jeans and winter jackets! I feel more feminine with mens clothes and more masculine in womens clothes. I only had a pair of heels when i learned to dance tango. I have a male friend who think women looks better in male clothes because they look more feminine then. He wears clothes that gives an illusion that he is hard and cruel, but when he shows his feelings he is the opposite of that illusion.
I think some of the reason I wear these clothes is that I don't want people to expect anything old fashion female from me, like my mothers vanity that takes her to serve men and reducing her self to an object in the process. I was surprised when she wanted me to be like her, a hostess too, when i was 14 or so. I was like: Really???
To be skinny has been a way to not draw attention to my tits and ass, or the lack of them, but clothing will help a lot too.
I remember why I started wearing mens clothes so I know why i
did it. It was when I began restricting my sexuality. Restricting eating
was a perfect way to do it too, i found out the same year. Did any of
you want to restrict your sexual desires too? In my teens I was scared
of how attracted I was to boys and how much sexual energy I had. It was
just too much to handle and I wasn't yet muture enough to have a serious
relationship. And because I was immature it was hard to get attention
from men and boys on other parts of me. All attention was drawn to my
body. At this age I felt I really needed to get attention on a deeper
level so I could get to know myself. When it seemed impossible to
experience that anyone asked me anything to find out who I was I started
my own project starving my appetites so i could find out myself who I
was. By starving and make sure boys and men didn't look at me as an
object with my new clothing style I got rid of distractions on the path
of self discovery. It has been successfull. In my world everyone seemed
self centered so this was my way of doing it on my own. With the help of
God from age 21 when my eating stabilised and appeared more normal.
I
still experience that people aren't interested in me (just them
selves), but now I think I just have to make them interested. Talk even
though they haven't asked me anything. (I have waited forever for that
to happen.) Love myself so much that i take care of my self enough to
talk when I need to and not wait for "permission". I think it still
sucks when people don't listen very well, but at least I can express
myself, listen to myself and reflect on that.
May 31, 2016 |
