Am I a fighter or am I only hungry?

What I fear is that i will find another area for the underlying anxiety to start control when I let my body free from my intrusion. It's like I have a drive to fix and destruct and it goes together with perfectionism. It's hard to just accept everything. It's like I need to fight. I don't know where it comes from. How deep it goes. I have trust issues, but it feels like the cause is deeper than that. But who knows? Maybe I will be satisfied and don't have the need to fight if I am fed enough and healed? Ha ha. That would be great!