Yesterday I became aware of the importance of preparing to handle the
recovery stages, the complete weight gain, and most importantly the new
eating habits we're gonna develop. I'm not at all prepared. I don't know
how to do it. I am very good at eating like crazy after restricting even though I feel it
is living in hell, but to eat balanced when I am physically recovered
not so much. So not untill I know how to handle it will I try to fully recover,
cause what is the point with recovery if I only relapse, like I've done
before and like many, many others have done on some stage of recovery?
It is better to prepare how to handle all the stages, from the water
retension to the new eating habits and body image. The weight gain can
happen very fast!!! I would not just prepare for having support there when it gets tough. What if the support you need is no good, not helpful? Prepare your self and your supporters to what you will need, specifically. I will think through all the stages and see if I can handle them and find out how I will handle it if I think I don't.
It is easy to want recovery if we shut our eyes from the world. Not so easy in the middle of a bigger body in the midst of a crowd of people.
I don't trust anyone giving help that works. That would be naive to think. It is important to reflect on what we will be needing specifically so we can ask for that exsactly. People don't usually use their empathy and without using it they don't understand another human being more then on the surface. I'm gonna do it my self. I only trust my self, and if I am powerless God will help. I know it. I don't trust people knowing what is best for me. How can they without empathy? How can anyone think they know it better than me? People working as supporters are adviced to not get personally involved. How can anyone feel they really care about them then? It is the involvement that feels supportive, that show they care.
You have to trust your self. You have to be your biggest supporter and ask for assistance when needed, but take responsibility for your needs yourself. I have had a psychologist. I tried 2 before her. They all sucked. One wanted to force me into treatment at a hospital even though I ate 1500 calories a day. It was embarrassing to deal with a person with such lack of knowledge. The other one was cold as hell and sat in the other end of the room, probably to make sure she woud not get too involved. Just looking at me, evaluating me.To find someone who is really smart and loving is hard. If you do find it; lucky you. That person will probably respect you too, because love is giving others freedom to feel, think, act and want what ever they do, so she will not push you to do something you are not willing to do or prepared for. Most people are not like that. That is why you need to take care of you. Friends betray you, most parents don't have a clue about what real love is and people are powerless all over the place when it comes to understanding. You have only you, and God to trust, that will always be there with you.
The last time I tried recovery I forgot everything I had learned and lost my common sense when the anxiety came. That is why it is important to have a forum to cry out for help in or others that are educated enough to give good advice. It is also good to prepare a list of notes to read when the anxiety or lack of motivation comes. I had a hard time trusting that the increased hunger I felt even though I ate 2200 calories a day wouldn't last forever. My thoughts then was:" if Iam going to be this hungry eating 2200, I might as well be less hungry on 1500 calories a day. No need to be heavier and still hungry. How much do I really need? If I need 3000 I will certainly become overweight. It feels lke I need 5000!" Many get scared of the increased or extreme hunger that will be experienced in recovery by everyone and forget the essence of physical recovery: Let the body get what it needs. Problem is trusting the body, so to do that getting knowledge of what happens and how the body works in recovery to be able to understand is important. The other thing that made me stop the attempt to recovery was the fast weight gain. I forgot and didn't trust that this doesn't last. I thought it might never stop. I should have read at youreatopia daily the first weeks to be reminded of the typical fears and the thoughts I should think instead so the thoughts of fear could be thrown away.
It is easy to want recovery if we shut our eyes from the world. Not so easy in the middle of a bigger body in the midst of a crowd of people.
I don't trust anyone giving help that works. That would be naive to think. It is important to reflect on what we will be needing specifically so we can ask for that exsactly. People don't usually use their empathy and without using it they don't understand another human being more then on the surface. I'm gonna do it my self. I only trust my self, and if I am powerless God will help. I know it. I don't trust people knowing what is best for me. How can they without empathy? How can anyone think they know it better than me? People working as supporters are adviced to not get personally involved. How can anyone feel they really care about them then? It is the involvement that feels supportive, that show they care.
You have to trust your self. You have to be your biggest supporter and ask for assistance when needed, but take responsibility for your needs yourself. I have had a psychologist. I tried 2 before her. They all sucked. One wanted to force me into treatment at a hospital even though I ate 1500 calories a day. It was embarrassing to deal with a person with such lack of knowledge. The other one was cold as hell and sat in the other end of the room, probably to make sure she woud not get too involved. Just looking at me, evaluating me.To find someone who is really smart and loving is hard. If you do find it; lucky you. That person will probably respect you too, because love is giving others freedom to feel, think, act and want what ever they do, so she will not push you to do something you are not willing to do or prepared for. Most people are not like that. That is why you need to take care of you. Friends betray you, most parents don't have a clue about what real love is and people are powerless all over the place when it comes to understanding. You have only you, and God to trust, that will always be there with you.
The last time I tried recovery I forgot everything I had learned and lost my common sense when the anxiety came. That is why it is important to have a forum to cry out for help in or others that are educated enough to give good advice. It is also good to prepare a list of notes to read when the anxiety or lack of motivation comes. I had a hard time trusting that the increased hunger I felt even though I ate 2200 calories a day wouldn't last forever. My thoughts then was:" if Iam going to be this hungry eating 2200, I might as well be less hungry on 1500 calories a day. No need to be heavier and still hungry. How much do I really need? If I need 3000 I will certainly become overweight. It feels lke I need 5000!" Many get scared of the increased or extreme hunger that will be experienced in recovery by everyone and forget the essence of physical recovery: Let the body get what it needs. Problem is trusting the body, so to do that getting knowledge of what happens and how the body works in recovery to be able to understand is important. The other thing that made me stop the attempt to recovery was the fast weight gain. I forgot and didn't trust that this doesn't last. I thought it might never stop. I should have read at youreatopia daily the first weeks to be reminded of the typical fears and the thoughts I should think instead so the thoughts of fear could be thrown away.
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