The reason I'm still having an ED.

A reply to someone who cares at myproana: I think my mum shuts up about her weight when she is scared of my weight too, but as soon as I say I will try to recover she is not worried anymore and happy to talk about her weight again. Then she wants my support and tips for losing weight, changing habits etc. I can talk to her about things that I don't like that she does, but lately I have been fed up, because I wish she for once in her life took initiative to ask how I was doing, how recovery was going etc. and not pretend she cares when I talk about something that isn't about her. I can hear and see she becomes restless when I talk about me. I have waited for her to ask about me lately, not said anything myself, and it will be interesting to see how long it will last before she asks me, or if her focus on her self will continue for ever.

I have said many things to her, like : you have to stop criticising me, stop calling me this and that and so on, but to tell her that it would have been nice if she took the initiative to hear about my life and not always have the focus on her self and her life I haven't, and I don't know if I will. Perhaps later. But if she doesn't care she doesn't care if I ask her to either, so what is the point? When she calls me and I don't say anything about my life she hangs up when she is done talking about her life. But this is not so uncommon is it? I have met many girls that are like this. I try to make friends and they just care about them selves.  I care about them for some months, and then I give up beliving we can ever be friends.

My eating disorder started when I really needed support after some sexual abuse had happened to me, and realized none of the grown ups I knew cared about others than them selves and that there is no support for me anywhere. It was then everything inside me crushed and I had to build up something new to take care of my self. This became an ED for support. I tried to talk to my mum about what had happened, but she didn't say much or ask me anything. She responded as if I talked about the wheather. Later, when I brought it up again, that I had wished she would have cared at that time, she said she didn't realize that it was serious.

I understand that this issue, that noone cares, is the reason I have still not recovered from my ED. To go to therapy to talk just isn't enough because a therapist is suppose to not get personally involved and really care. They can offer their thoughts and understanding, but not what I really need. I will not pay someone or make someone listen and pretend they care about me.

I know I shouldn't expect my mum to be able to listen to problems or be able to support because she handles trauma by hiding it in her subconciousness. She don't know how to deal with her own emotional difficulties either, so how can she help others?

I know I shouldn't expect my mum to be able to listen to problems or be able to support because she handles trauma by hiding it in her subconciousness. She don't know how to deal with her own emotional difficulties either, so how can she help others? I assume this issue is something many with ED has, and that "all you need is love" is true.