I have been curious about how many calories I can add and live on on my current weight of 47. I think i have found out now, unless I a have 1 kilo of water retention because my period is coming soon. In case it is not because of that I hit the breaks. I can not remember gaining a whole kilo of water over to days. I ate 1460 calories last week and this week jumped to 1510. It was then it happened. I will eat 1448 some days now and see what happens after i get my period. I have all the time in the world. I don't want to be scared, but do this very slowly. It's no fun to go up to 53 when I still have no extra energy to build strength. I don't want to gain 6 kilos of fat. I can handle 1 kilo, but the rest should be organs and muscles. Perhaps I am hoping for the impossible, but I have not given up on the idea.
I know I can lose weight ,very, very slowly, on 1550 if I walk 80 minutes a day and weigh 43. I think I should try to be flexible and not eat the same every day. I could increase my calories to the days I walk that much, and eat 1448 the days I don't. I will do that. I will perhaps eat according to my activity level every day, actually. Just have to figure out the numbers. Like on the days I have little energy and just walk 20 minutes I can eat 1448. And if I walk more or do yoga I add those calories in food. That will motivate me to move more perhaps, and it is to be more active that is more goal.
When I imagine being weight restored and not counting calories and having a meal plan I just see my self going crazy with food. But I remember when I once was weight restored, it was in fact the opposite. It is in recovery, now, I could eat like a maniac if I gave up all control over my body, but that is because I am starving my body. When I have given the calories the body needs I will be very relaxed about food. I won't crave it. I won't think about it much at all because I won't be starving. It is quiet a releif to come to that point. Pretty funny that one day I eat like a maniac like many days before that day, and the next I am ready for life, people and have little interest in food. The hunger is gone. I can lift my head up from the stomach area.
But I can't imagine eating freely ever again, in recovery or weight restored. Being maniac, being possessed with food, is a nightmare. Just thinking about food and how to get as much as possible into the mouth without being too full. I need to count and make sure the weight is stable and know if I eat enough, too much or too little. It's so difficult eating right amounts, just trusting the body. I do listen to my body now, but I am backing it up with data. After I got weight restored many, many years ago I wasn't eating enough so I acted bulimic. That is awful. It must be most important to make sure not to restrict anything once weight restored. Then the fear of gaining weight must be less than the fear of a relapse. To be sure I will have a sucsessful recovery I have to be ok with a bigger body, with fat. I am not there yet even though I have taken a step into that direction seeing the beauty in bigger bodies. To see me as bigger is so much harder. Me with a fuller face. O.M.G. How can I or anyone else take me serious then? I know that is a crazy thought, but I have not replaced it yet.
I know I can lose weight ,very, very slowly, on 1550 if I walk 80 minutes a day and weigh 43. I think I should try to be flexible and not eat the same every day. I could increase my calories to the days I walk that much, and eat 1448 the days I don't. I will do that. I will perhaps eat according to my activity level every day, actually. Just have to figure out the numbers. Like on the days I have little energy and just walk 20 minutes I can eat 1448. And if I walk more or do yoga I add those calories in food. That will motivate me to move more perhaps, and it is to be more active that is more goal.
When I imagine being weight restored and not counting calories and having a meal plan I just see my self going crazy with food. But I remember when I once was weight restored, it was in fact the opposite. It is in recovery, now, I could eat like a maniac if I gave up all control over my body, but that is because I am starving my body. When I have given the calories the body needs I will be very relaxed about food. I won't crave it. I won't think about it much at all because I won't be starving. It is quiet a releif to come to that point. Pretty funny that one day I eat like a maniac like many days before that day, and the next I am ready for life, people and have little interest in food. The hunger is gone. I can lift my head up from the stomach area.
But I can't imagine eating freely ever again, in recovery or weight restored. Being maniac, being possessed with food, is a nightmare. Just thinking about food and how to get as much as possible into the mouth without being too full. I need to count and make sure the weight is stable and know if I eat enough, too much or too little. It's so difficult eating right amounts, just trusting the body. I do listen to my body now, but I am backing it up with data. After I got weight restored many, many years ago I wasn't eating enough so I acted bulimic. That is awful. It must be most important to make sure not to restrict anything once weight restored. Then the fear of gaining weight must be less than the fear of a relapse. To be sure I will have a sucsessful recovery I have to be ok with a bigger body, with fat. I am not there yet even though I have taken a step into that direction seeing the beauty in bigger bodies. To see me as bigger is so much harder. Me with a fuller face. O.M.G. How can I or anyone else take me serious then? I know that is a crazy thought, but I have not replaced it yet.
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