I've decided. I'm going to do it!

My motivation is bigger today and I've written a letter to the one I need support from the most about what I'm going to do. He is the most critical I know, a person who just like thin girls/women and likes my body the skinnier the better. I need hin to not be ashamed or repulsed by my soon big body. I will do it if he can't support me too. I am the one who must embrace the bigger body. I honestly think I can do it now. I'm happy and my body is more than ready to get on with it. It just want to eat, rest and sleep a lot. Suits me fine. I'm on it's side now. I will put my wishes aside for a year or two so we can be friends from now till the end. I'm up to at least 1470 calories a day this week. My weight today: 47,6 kilos. The swelling has not begun yet. It will come when I up my calories to 2000 or so, perhaps. I'm so exited. I'm so glad I prefer bigger over skinny now. Helps tremendously. I could never imagine I would change my taste about that before. Lucky me! It is certainly true that you can manage what ever you put all in to achieve.

I've stopped fighting my body.
I have found peace.
What a relief and how cozy
to be one with my body.

My life may to you seem boring,
but this is actually a core thing.
It is about accepting and loving.

My mum may have betrayed me.
My dad rejected and left me.
So even more I will love me.
Much more than I ever expected.