29. mars 2015

Native american quotes

The Old Ones say the Native American women will lead the healing among the tribes. Inside them are the powers of love and strength given by the Moon and the Earth. When everyone else gives up, it is the women who sings the songs of strength. She is the backbone of the people. So, to our women we say, sing your songs of strength; pray for your special powers; keep our people strong; be respectful, gentle, and modest. -Village Wise Man, Lakota

A man who looks first to a woman's outer beauty will never know her beauty divine, for there is dust upon his eyes and he is blind. But a man who sees in a woman the spirit of the Great One and sees her beauty first in spirit and truth, that man will know "Divinity" in that woman. - White Buffalo Calf Womanhttp://www.whitewolfpack.com/2015/02/women-are-sacred-11-native-american.html





28. mars 2015

A dream the night after I stopped the weight gain project.

First scene:
Someone was after me. I don't remember who or what it was. Only that it was dark and in a degree of evil. I was looking for a house with a friend of mine. When I found the house I was looking for I got a bit surprised by the state it was in. I thought it was in a better condition than it was. I wanted to live in it anyway and tried to convince my friend that it was a good idea by talking about the positive parts of it. It was very small, very hard to get into and with no windows. It was a house noone lived in because it was too damaged.

Next scene: I was sitting on an icebear in a park in the time of spring. I could see the busy streets because I was not far from the entrance. Suddenly i saw a circus manager walking proudly with a black dress hat on in front of the rest of the circus members that was walking one by one in a line behind the little round man. They walked pass the park. Suddenly I saw they come into the park by the nearest entrance. I thought they must have changed their minds and turned around. Not far back in line it was an elephant coming, and a giraffe. I got a bit worried thinking the ice bear would be excited to see the animals, but to my surprise it did not move an inch. I stepped down from it and took a close look at it, and found it was a statue!

27. mars 2015

A combination of restriction and eating intuitively.

A combination of restriction and eating intuitively. Is that the normal, modern and vain woman's eating pattern? Well, so I reduced the calories to 2000 yesterday and will eat a bit less than that today. I have been thinking about two possible plans to follow to keep my weight here at the line between normal and underweight. 1 is to eat the amount i feel like eating ( I hate to be full and I like to starve a bit), sleep the amount I feel like and exercise the amount I feel like (stop forcing a lot in me and risk gaining too much) and hope my weight won't be much higher and try to accept it, or 2 is to make sure i don't gain by controlling my intake. Problem is I don't know how much i should eat at this point to keep my weight. I don't think reducing my intake down to 1500 (that is what the body will use when I don't exercise) is very wise at the moment to stop gaining. I would then lose my period and my health would be worse. (My heart still beats suddenly very hard 1-3 times sometimes) I am afraid that if I reduce it to 1800 I will still gain. I wish i knew. I think i will try a combination of the two and eat 1700 - 1750 calories. With no exercise I might gain, but it would be nice to take the chance and find out that i don't. I mean, if my weight was 45 i would gain for sure. But now that i weigh 10 kilos more it is possible i won't. I can try it and have a bit exercise. Like a daily 30 minute walk and a bit of yoga and very light strength training with elastic bands 2-3 times a week. I am now what those in myeatopia calls quasi-recovery. I have been there before so i know it well. Thing is, a lot of people are that even with no eating disorder. It means they control their body and have no acceptance for a natural weight if that weight is at the higher end of normal BMI so the needs are not entirely satisfied.

I hope my weight distribution will change even though I don't gain to a natural weight. I have lost my belief in the set point theory because I see a lot of people who eat naturally gain and loose weight easily. If I have to control my eating extensively no matter what weight I would rather do it on a low BMI. Now I think it is better to be sick a lot and have little energy than weighing 10 kilos more. I can't handle it. Seriously.

26. mars 2015

Oh God, I'm caught in the trap!

I was not just nervous yesterday. I panicked and hyperventilated by the thought of continues weight gain. I think I looked awful when I had a weight 10 kilos more than now. Awful! I don't want to go there. I don't! There is no way out of this trap if I can't accept the weight gain. I came this far, but to accept even higher weight is impossible. I said I could accept it, but that was just in my fantasy. I was desperate and hopeful, I guess. I am so confused. What a defeat! I gained so fast. Oh oh oh! :( I don't dare to eat beyond minimum anymore. I don't even dare to eat minimum. If I was alone in this world I could eat what ever amount I wanted, but i am not. I think i will reduce and see if i feel worse or not. Oh, this is no good. I just wish I knew if it is normal for anorexia recovered people to reduce the calories when coming to a healthy BMI or if they eat the same amount. According to MinnieMaud one should continue eating minimum. I don't know about any other guidelines.

25. mars 2015

Not much improvement

There is no improvement when it comes to bloating. If I should spend the whole day with someone and held the gas inside I would have bursted. There is so much! The more I eat the worse it gets. Today I will go from 3000 down to 2500 because I am sick of it. Just eat a bit less to every meal. I hope I won't feel hunger, because then i am not doing recovery right. Restricting is not allowed. I do restrict types of food, but that is not as important as the amount.

I still often feels painful to pinch my skin. When my son wants to hug me he must be careful not to squeeze me too hard at my upper body.

I must admit I feel a bit scared now for further weight gain because I feel big and feminine already at BMI 18,5. To weigh above this is uncomfortable for me. I'm a little nervous about it. I want to delay it by going back to eat the minimum. It's so hard picture my self bigger. I have a fuller face now. It is both prettier and scary to look at. I look so alive and human. I can't describe it precisely.

22. mars 2015

Weight distribution in pictures.

After reaching set point the body will change appearance. In recovery there is unusual amounts of fat and water around the mid section to protect the inner organs, but also on the boobs, ass and thighs. You look very feminin. I have a link here to a blogpost where you can see pictures of how the weight is distributed from in recovery to some time later after fully recovered.http://www.lifewithoutanorexia.com/2015/03/guest-post-julia-lord-still-loves-me.html?showComment=1427024523752#c7589769025639768483

Oh man! I've gain 10 kilos!

It took almost 11 weeks! I just had to peek at the weight even though we are warned against it, because i had no idea what my weight was and just had to know. But I was pretty sure I would be happy, and not afraid, of a huge weight gain. Now I weigh exactly what i did before started eating low carb, but still restricted: 53,4 kilos. Actually i think i look better now than at my lowest weight. I am more happy about my body. If I keep gaining in the same speed my weight will be 63,4 kilos in the beginning of june. I would like to keep my current weigh, but not if I have to starve and being destructive.

I don't want a life that is just about food anymore, and as long as I have to be so passive all the time as I am feeding my body to gain, I still have the same life as before, but without the destructive behaviour, of course.

After 6 weeks I got my period back. I have had another one too! It is rare getting it back so soon, but I think I got it because my body wanted to tell me I am doing the right thing eating so much, because i truly was unsure the first couple of weeks, because it felt so strange doing it.

20. mars 2015

When in recovery is it ok to start exercising again?

I am following a blog written by a girl who has recovered from anorexia. She was allowed to be active not before she was 2 kilos from the goal weight and having a BMI of 17. I don't have a goal weight, though, so i'm thinking I will wait till I feel I have energy enough and want to be active, and i am afraid I have to wait a long time. This girl have a higher BMI now. I don't know my weight so I can't say what my BMI is. I will ask someone to look at the scale for me once a week to check if I am gaining and to tell me when i have reached a BMI of 18. I hope I have more energy then to start doing yoga at home.http://www.lifewithoutanorexia.com/2014/11/recovery-fatweight-gain-exercise.html

http://www.lifewithoutanorexia.com/2013/06/exercisemy-workouts-part-

http://www.lifewithoutanorexia.com/2014/07/exercise-and-how-i-built-up-strength.html

18. mars 2015

Whose body?

Not too long ago, Melissa Field of Yahoo! New Zealand took an image of six women in a line-up, ranging from size 6 to 16, and asked people on the street whose body they thought was most appealing. Overwhelmingly, at 59 percent, people chose the size 12 model.
Garnering 14 percent of the votes, the second place size, 14, fell well below the leader. Still, all three of the larger sizes performed better in the survey than the three smallest sizes.

16. mars 2015

If the set-point theory is true why do people get over and under it?

1 Because body fat isn’t your only set point.

You have a body fat “set point.” But Paul Jaminet also hypothesizes that your body has an even more important set point for maintaining the health of your lean tissue. If your body isn’t getting the micronutrients it needs, it will try to get more nutrients using the same mechanisms that it uses when you fall too far below your body fat set point: increasing your appetite and extracting more energy from your food. If you’re eating nutrient-poor processed foods all the time, you’ll just stay hungry, because your body is desperately looking for nutrients by driving you to eat more food.

2 Because you eat more than your body needs. Pleasurable food overwhelms your body’s natural message of “OK, I’ve had enough now,” so if you don't control your self it is very easy to eat more than the body needs. Stimulating food is also easy to be addicted to. 
3 Sometimes insulin stays elevated all the time. This prevents you from running off your stored energy reserves, because you’re constantly in “storage mode” and never switch over to burning those stored calories. In this situation, you’re eating enough calories, but they’re not available for energy, so your body is starving (and you still feel hungry) even though you’re gaining fat. It’s the worst of both worlds. 
All kinds of things affect insulin levels. Just to name a few: sleep deprivation, chronic stress, exposure to environmental toxins, menopause, genetic factors, vitamin deficiencies, and the composition of your gut flora. It’s true that eating more carbs than your body can handle is one factor affecting insulin levels, but it’s far from the only problem! 
Regardless of how it starts, though, chronically high insulin can overwhelm the body’s “set point” and cause weight gain. Problems with insulin also affect another hormone called leptin, which regulates appetite and metabolism. The ultimate result is that your body is now “defending” a higher weight, making it very difficult to get (or stay) lean. 
What to do to maintain a healthy weight:
Eat nutrient-dense food.
1 Avoid food that is hard to stop eating or drinking. (Things with honey, syrup, sugar, chips, beer, wine etc.)
2 Avoid sweeteners that make you hungry. (I get hungry from Pepsi max (aspartam).
3 Make sure you have healthy levels of hormones like insulin and leptin so the calories gets burned for energy, not stored as fat by eating low-carb or carbs in moderation. (Read details in the article below.)
4 Avoid chronic inflammation because it elevates hunger and impairs carbohydrate metabolism. ( A recipe for overeating and storing those calories as fats.) Reduce inflammation by getting enough sleep, managing your stress, avoid extreme and punishing exercise, make sure you recover properly from your workouts, limit nuts and seeds, and eat plenty of fish (omega 3).
5 Intermittent fasting.  Intermittent fasting mimics the benefits of carbohydrate restriction: it lowers insulin and raises the levels of several other fat-burning hormones like growth hormone and adrenalin, prompting your metabolism to use stored body fat for fuel and lowers you calorie intake.
6 Exercise
7 Be careful with the consumtion of nuts, seed butters, dried fruits and fruit juices. 
All except the mentioning of alcohol is taken from the article below.
http://paleoleap.com/weight-loss-on-paleo-diet/
I continue adding more interesting stuff about addiction to stimulating food.
Our brains are wired to respond to the stimuli with which they evolved. For example, our natural taste preferences tell us that fruit is good. But what happens when we concentrate that sugar tenfold? We get a superstimulus. Our brains are not designed to process that amount of stimulation constructively, and it often leads to a loss of control over the will, or addiction. 

It's a very similar process to drug addiction. Addictive drugs are able to plug directly into the brain's pleasure centers, stimulating them beyond their usual bounds. Food superstimuli do this less directly, by working through the body's taste reward pathways. In fact, sweet liquids are so addictive, rats prefer them to intravenous cocaine. You can't take just one hit of crack, and you can't have just one Hershey's kiss.

This chapter was taken from the article below.
http://wholehealthsource.blogspot.no/2008/03/superstimuli.html#uds-search-results

A Curious Finding

It all started with one little sentence buried in a paper about obese rats. I was reading about how rats become obese when they're given chocolate Ensure, the "meal replacement drink", when I came across this:
...neither [obesity-prone] nor [obesity-resistant] rats will overeat on either vanilla- or strawberry-flavored Ensure.
The only meaningful difference between chocolate, vanilla and strawberry Ensure is the flavor, yet rats eating the chocolate variety overate, rapidly gained fat and became metabolically ill, while rats eating the other flavors didn't (1). 

Experiments in rats and humans have outlined some of the qualities of food that are inherently rewarding:
  • Fat
  • Starch
  • Sugar
  • Salt
  • Meatiness (glutamate)
  • The absence of bitterness
  • Certain textures (e.g., soft or liquid calories, crunchy foods)
  • Certain aromas (e.g., esters found in many fruits)
  • Calorie density ("heavy" food)
We are generally born liking the qualities listed above, and aromas and flavors that are associated with these qualities become rewarding over time. For example, beer tastes terrible the first time you drink it because it's bitter, but after you drink it a few times and your brain catches wind that there are calories and a drug in there, it often begins tasting good. The same applies to many vegetables. Children are generally not fond of vegetables, but if you serve them spinach smothered in butter enough times, they'll learn to like it by the time they're adults.

Industrially processed food, which has been professionally crafted to maximize its rewarding properties, is a superstimulus that exceeds the brain's normal operating parameters, leading to an increase in body fatness and other negative consequences.

http://wholehealthsource.blogspot.no/2011/04/food-reward-dominant-factor-in-obesity.html
Here is a link to a article about leptin:http://paleoleap.com/managing-leptin-levels/









Eat more, but still low carb.

My goal is to eat more than then minimum amount for recovery (for my age: 2500) when my body want me to, cause I am not gaining fast at all. That means not skipping the last meal at the end of the day like I am sooo used to. Before my first diet at 16 my weight was 70 kilos, 27 kilos more than my lowest weight. I had eaten too much, junk and sweets, so I was above my set point. The 2nd time I ate unrestricted amounts and food choices for a long time, after long periods of almost no food, I overshot that weight! Probabably because I ate junk. 

The first time i overshot my startweight with 4 kilos, before I felt ready to stop "eating sugar" and rest and have a life again (as if I was releasing my self from a hospital). But I started restricting again for months without being aware of it while trying to eat very healthy and normal amounts, and ended up binging daily again and gained so much I ended up even 5 kilos more than last time. Why don't Gwen warn the girls at eatopia that if they addictive food they will gain too much?

For almost 2 years after that i restricted and came down to 54 kilos. Again I tried to recover and eat without counting calories, fear fat etc and gained again, but not as much as the first time when I recovered unwillingly and lived on junk. This second time I tried to learn to cook and had people over for dinner and stuff. I don't remember weighing myself so I can only guess my weight. I can say 60 kilos. I then moved to a school I got all my meals at and gained because the food was very far from low carb and full of oil, and I drank a lot of tea with honey, so I gained a few kilos. After a while I felt uncomfortable with the bigger body and started restricting again for real when the school year was over. I did so till the recovery I am in now.

I have no idea where I will end up because I did not eat normally from the age 12 when I was skinny. It is normal to overshoot 10% of the set point weight and by the following year get rid of it, but I know that those who don't break the addiction to food (chocolate, chips etc) can gain and gain like every anorectic person fear.

Right before I started eating sweets daily, because I started restricting food a little because I was ashamed that I ate more than the skinnier girls (3 slices of bread compared to their 1 slice) (but ended of course up heavier because of the sugar) my weight was perhaps 65 kilos. If I end up on 65 kilos I am happy. I mean, I am 42 years old, and some day I have to accept my body and give my self freedom and a life. I will not touch sugar and eat low carb, so there is a chance my set point weight is below 65 kilos.

I am totally into eatopia, but I have not seen Gwen say an overshot is based on binging on sugar-loaded junk. It is just my guess based on a little experience. I think sugar make us gain over the set point weight. My experience is that the body don't have the time to regulate the weight when you start to eat a lot of sugar. Then I just gained. You don't feel full when you eat sweets. If you replace that with food, you just eat and eat and just gain and gain. Never replace food with sweets and junk like potatoe chips! I am excited to see if my theory is a fact.

Now i don't have the same fear and rejection to fat bodies. I know that those who are slightly overweight or almost overweight live the longest. It is a myth in society that thin is the same as healthy and that eating a bit too little will make your life longer. A body is beautiful no matter how much fat it has on the muscles as long as she is healthy, I think. Attitude is more important.

EDIT: After reading the articles I have linked to in the next blog post I can guess my weight will be close to 63 kilos. Why do i say that suddenly? Because now i read that my theory is correct: when eating junk and sweets in recovery or at set point weight you will gain above set point because you eat more than your body needs. Simple as that.

Have you restricted eating, trying to recover and just had a binge?

 You did it because your body needed it. Don't worry. You did the right thing. Binge or not, doesn't matter. It's natural. You just have to keep on avoiding restriction or you are going face down to your own grave again. There is no reason to fear what you have done. Your body needed something extra (happens before the period for many, but can happen when ever), and you were kind enough to support that need. You were kind. A study shows that when girls are eating extra amounts of food and calories before their period noone gain that as fat. All the extra calories are used for hormones and stuff! So just give in and give the body the extra when it needs it.

15. mars 2015

How to build true confidence

1. It’s not about having to tell yourself stories in order to have confidence. You simply remove the stories that are making you feel like you don’t have confidence.
2. Certain things are going to take time to learn, and that’s OK. Be aware that things will unfold as they need to and give yourself the space to learn, try, and explore through the journey. You don’t have to be perfect right away and so confidence shouldn’t be an issue.
3. If you are looking for physical confidence in how you look, first ask yourself why you don’t have confidence to begin with. What story are you telling yourself about your appearance that takes away your innate knowledge that you are perfect just as you are?
The idea of “building confidence” is ultimately an illusion we buy into in order to experience temporary spurts of feeling OK about ourselves and what we are doing. Ultimately, it comes down to bringing it within vs looking outside for validation of your “confidence.”


11. mars 2015

A conversation about BED (binge eating disorder).

Me: I think many people are afraid of this illness, and some of those who has it are treated badly. Because people don't understand it, fear it and some think it is to be ashamed of. I think that is a tragedy and a huge burdon for the people who has this illness to carry. I think many have found comfort in food, so the fear is perhaps based on that, but I wonder if it is biological reasons to why they start as kids to eat extra amounts. I wonder if it in fact is first of all a physical reason for the need for more food than normal. Is it an unbalance or do these people really need extra food and have a higher BMI than avarage? May the unbalance of hormones, or is it inflammation?, be caused by emotions? I would like to know these things so the misunderstanding can be treated by knowledge.
I understand that the whole picture will never be finished, but how much is understood till now?
Can emotions effect hormones and hormones effect emotion?

Gwyneth: 
Yes people don't understand it. Primarily they are unaware that it is not an eating disorder at all and that its inclusion in the DSM-5 was not based on any science that it is an eating disorder either.
Many of the questions you have surrounding binge eating disorder are covered off in the blog post Binge Eating Disorder and Night Eating Syndrome
There is no single cause for these symptoms appearing, but the they are very rare and involve a lot of other psychological distress and symptoms.
BED is essentially non-purging 'bulimia' in its current iteration within the DSM-5. In its definition prior to DSM-5 it was not a standalone eating disorder. It was rather a set of symptoms that could arise for those with serious Axis II disorders (psychosis, schizophrenia, and several personality disorders) and that was based on 30 years' worth of work done by Albert Stunkard and his colleagues. It was also very rare.
And whenever this question is asked on these forums it's usually because yet another new member is anxious and concerned that he or she has binge eating disorder.
Binge eating disorder is not associated with restrictive eating disorders at all. If you restrict, then you cannot have binge eating disorder. At all.
It's not about eating extra amounts as a kid. It's about serious mental illness. These individuals are often not able to reside in the community and if they do they have many points when they need 24/7 psychiatric care.
It's not about comfort in food, imbalanced hormones, emotions or inflammation. And frankly, their eating behaviours are usually the least worrisome of their symptoms associated with their overall serious mental illness.
It's commendable that you have empathy and consideration for their plight, but these forums are designed for those dealing with the restrictive eating disorder spectrum. Restrictive eating disorders are standalone eating disorders and they are all treated with rest, unrestricted re-feeding and brain retraining.
Those with binge eating symptoms have nothing in common with those with restrictive eating disorders and they usually require much higher levels of psychiatric support and intervention than most with restrictive eating disorders will ever require.
We would want anyone who has binge eating disorder to be free from shame and abuse however there are no binge eating disorder patients on these forums. Of more immediate concern to me is that those with restrictive eating disorders who are active on these forums do not end up anxious about a condition that they have no chance of developing.
Me: I was hoping you would answer. Thank you very much. The link: "more details found here" is not working. I come to "page not found". Hope to be able to read it.
I am surprised to read in the article about BED and NES that BED maybe should not be called an eating disorder. Is that because those with BED don't have much in common, have different body size and different mental conditions?
I am very greatful that I read years ago that you think one can not go from anorexia to a binge eating disorder, because I got very disappointed and scared thinking that I had become a binge eater when eating much after a long time with no or almost no food. I felt I could trust my body even less when it was possible ( as I thought) that I was changed so much in a sudden. I don't think it is too bad or very wrong to say we can go from anorexia to a binge eating disorder, but it is important to know it is not permanent, that we in recovery will not feel the need to eat a lot forever. I remember I found it extremely difficult to throw up when I was in a period of eating a lot after restriction contrary to before. It was like my body was holding on to the food so hard in hunger.
This says a lot: The bulimia nervosa group scored high on the features of binge eating and fear of fatness/compensatory behaviors but not on drive for thinness. The binge eating disorder group scored high on binge eating but not on the other two features. And:
Fear of fat/compensatory behaviors and drive for thinness are not present for those with clinical BED.
What i don't know is why the BED's don't try to be thin when they hate their body. Do they feel helpless, thinking they can not do it? Is that it? Or are they destructive and feel they deserve to be "big and bullied"? I know some use their big body as a shield towards the world and therefor don't want to be thin.

Gwen: Fixed the link -- sorry about that.
No, it is important to be accurate. You do not go from anorexia to binge eating disorder.
In recovery, you experience hyperphagia (extreme eating) and that is to rectify the huge energy deficit in your body.
Binge eating disorder facets must necessarily involve no energy deficit within your body. It must involve consumption of food in excess of your energy requirements. And that is not happening in recovery.
Eda -- you likely don't know anyone personally who has binge eating disorder. It is an extremely rare condition.
It might be better to analyze why you are worried about how those with BED may think and feel. Your more immediate concern is presumably taking care of your own recovery needs right now.
BED has about as much in common with a restrictive eating disorder as Alzheimer's does. That's not to say that BED is related to Alzheimer's (it's not) but I think you may want to disengage yourself from the topic -- it has no bearing on your recovery efforts and it has no bearing on anyone you likely know in your own life either.
G.
Me: "Binge eating disorder facets must necessarily involve no energy deficit within your body. It must involve consumption of food in excess of your energy requirements. And that is not happening in recovery." Interesting. 
Ok, it was just that I read about a girl being called a whale and I felt sorry for her and thought that it is so unnecessary , and i thought about the lack of knowledge and misconseption underneth the behaviour. We either try to find the truth or think and act like a fool. But it's really hate that causes namecalling like that so I rest my case. We need wisdom, but also love to be nice to each other.
More i found on the forum about the subject written by Gwen:
I got the following by e-mail:
I was wondering if you have any scientific evidence to back up your claims that REDs and BED cannot occur in the same person (or very rarely occur in the same person) due to the genes being completely different? I've gone through YE but haven't been able to find anything. Thank you!
Here's the response I gave:
Thank you for your inquiry. Perhaps you would like to provide the direct reference to the claims you say I have made? Given that the genotype associated with restrictive eating disorders has not been fully identified and we only have some likely gene candidates that may be implicated in the onset of restrictive eating disorders, I doubt that I made the claim that restrictive eating disorders are unrelated to binge eating disorders due to genetic variation. If I have done so, then I would like to know where because I will need to correct such an assertion!
However, I do provide the clinical data that identify BED as an extremely rare condition wherein absolutely no compensatory behaviours are applied (they don’t try to get back on a diet etc.). An individual with BED is not suffering from a distinct eating disorder, but rather symptoms of bingeing that are actually indicative of a serious psychopathology. Albert Stunkard and his colleagues provide heaps of solid clinical data on the topic — the condition does not arise from restrictive eating disorders. The condition is rather a sign of Axis II psychological disorders [Wilfley DE, Friedman MA, Dounchis JZ, et al. Comorbid psychopathology in binge eating disorder: relation to eating disorder severity at baseline following treatment. J Consult Clin Psychol 2000; 68:641-649]. Axis II disorders are where a patient can lose touch with consensus based reality — things like borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and the like. Restrictive eating disorders are Axis I disorders — like anxiety and depression where the patient is still grounded in reality even as behaviours and thoughts might be causing distress or even denial for the patient.
For a patient to develop an Axis I disorder first and then progress into an Axis II disorder is certainly feasible, but will be extremely rare. Axis II disorders tend to have quite an early onset in childhood development.
As for evidence that binge eating disorder cannot occur in someone with a restrictive eating disorder, you simply have to look at the criteria for diagnosing binge eating disorder: namely, that anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa have been excluded as a possible alternate diagnosis. As per the direct language from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (V5): "recurrent binge eating [disorder] is much less common, far more severe, and is associated with significant physical and psychological problems” [emphasis mine].
Binge eating disorder is rare and cannot involve any compensatory behaviours. Compensatory means any attempt to try to restrict in response to having “binged”.
Having had the opportunity recently to discuss the current inclusion of BED in the DSM V with one of the psychiatrists who formed part of the ED committee drawing up the DSM V [Dr. Steven Wonderlich], I can also confirm from the recent trial data he and his colleagues have published show individuals with BED are actually most commonly under-eating but will self-identify as having a bingeing problem. In essence, the inclusion of BED in the DSM V was applied because the psychiatric community identified that a portion of the community actually need help to eat enough food to support their energy needs, but they believe their issue is actually one of over-eating.
The inclusion of BED in the DSM V is not actually being applied in the community as the same BED that Stunkard and his colleagues studied for some 30 years to make the following conclusion on its existence in the population: BED is a marker for underlying psychopathology and not a standalone eating disorder. [Stunkard, Albert J., and Kelly C. Allison. "Binge eating disorder: disorder or marker?." International Journal of Eating Disorders 34.S1 (2003): S107-S116l; Stunkard, Albert J., and Kelly Costello Allison. "Two forms of disordered eating in obesity: binge eating and night eating." International journal of obesity 27.1 (2003): 1-12].
The BED classified within the DSM V is actually being used out in the community (for treatment purposes) as indistinguishable from non-purging bulimia nervosa — attempts to constantly under eat followed by cycles of reactive eating as the body attempts to redress the energy deficit.
And finally, I would encourage you to look out any clinical data that would confirm patients with a remitted restrictive eating disorder history subsequently develop confirmed cases of binge eating disorder as it is defined within the DSM (not as it is applied within treatment). So far, I have yet to even find a single case study in the literature, let alone any kind of broad prospective or retrospective review of patients with restrictive eating disorders who develop binge eating disorder. And as I said, I am speaking of binge eating disorder in its original classification — where the patient does not attempt to compensate for a binge with either going back on her diet or exercising or swearing off of “bad” foods again.
There is of course more than enough clinical data to confirm that approximately 62% of patients with anorexia nervosa will develop bulimia nervosa within 8 years of the onset of the anorexia (if untreated) [Eddy, Kamryn T., et al. "Longitudinal comparison of anorexia nervosa subtypes." International Journal of Eating Disorders 31.2 (2002): 191-201]. As the body is depleted of energy progressively through years of restrictive eating behaviours, eventually there is an increased drive to rectify the energy deficit with reactive eating sessions (bingeing). In the absence of the patient developing subsequent purging behaviours, then she will have moved from anorexia nervosa to non-purging bulimia nervosa now also indistinguishable from binge eating disorder within the treatment community.
The treatment for the BED is the same as for bulimia nervosa — the patient is encouraged to begin eating enough to support her actual energy requirements in a constant daily process which subsequently lowers the instances of reactive eating (often called “bingeing”).
I will be discussing all these recent clinical findings (delivered at the UCSD Eating Disorders Conference 2014) in an upcoming blog post.
Essentially (and the involved psychiatrists are still in hot debate on the topic) the inclusion of BED in the DSM V appears to be driven by an attitude of “if you can’t beat them join them”. The treatment community recognized that a portion of predominantly average or above-average weighted men and women would remain utterly untreated if they have self-identified as having a problem with over-eating and therefore believe that classifications of restrictive eating disorders do not apply to them at all. The inclusion of BED allows for these patients to be treated for actual under-eating issues but they will readily seek treatment because the condition is identified as one of “bingeing”—which they can relate to. I am not entirely sure if I agree with this “ends justify the means” approach to clinical care, but it is nonetheless what is happening.
Best wishes, Gwyneth.
The content of this entire e-mail is provided for general informational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional medical advice. Do not use the information provided for diagnosing or treating any medical or health condition. If you have or suspect you have a medical problem, promptly contact your healthcare provider.

8. mars 2015

Enough space.

Are you sure you are too big? Is it not the room for you that is too small? If you are used to be with people who take up all the space, you should not take it personally and think you value less. More important than that others have room for you is that you have room in your heart for you. Don't restrict to take up less space. Take the space you need.

There is no need to fear "losing control".

I have feared losing control and it is also common among others with an eating disorder.  It is not just the fear of eating too much if we eat according to the body's needs we fear, but also the fear of expressing what we feel.

No wonder I have so few close friends when I have been acting so cool all the time, always in control and ready to serve them. I was always holding my feeling back. When I felt that someone cared about me I was able to express my emotions and feelings, though, but I see there is people who express their feelings no matter if people care or not. And that is what I experienced I had to do the day God wanted me to face my biggest fear; to have no choice but to express helplessness, fear and despair in a room where several people had no compassion, but negative thoughts about me, for being hysterical and consumed in myself.

But what I discovered underneath the fear was amazing. While I had no control of my emotions I found acceptance and peace inside of me, so it didn't matter and it was no threat to me, that the others did'nt have compassion for me. I felt I in a way had more control than ever this way, even though I did not curb my emotions, because my view was wider, I was more alert and I could feel what all the others felt as well. To express emotions without restrictions is not the same as having no control. You can still stop expressing them when you need to do something else.

I remember also the times I ate without control that I was beside myself while I did it. That is not being without control. It is action without restriction.

I learned at home that crying just because something bad had happened to me was wrong. That was self pity and detestable. That is why I did'nt dare doing it. Only crying because something bad had happened to others was ok according to my mum. But that is so wrong, you know. Those who feel self pity don't express more than the superficial amount of the sorrow. They don't feel the pain and the depth of their sorrow.

I have been afraid of expressing my emotions because I thought I could be detested and rejected if i did. I have experienced that while crying. While I was crying very openly I felt my mums negative thoughts about me as black needles penetrating me.

Now I see that I have overcome this fear a long way. I don't think there is any point restricting my emotions, thoughts or the body's attempt to still its hunger. I can take care of my self even though others don't care. I don't ask for approval anymore.

There is no need to fear losing control even though a lot of overly masculine people fear this feminine aspect of human beings.

7. mars 2015

Tip to parents and therapists dealing with a child / teen with eating disorder.

If you express fear and worry to her a lot it will be a burdon for her, she might feel guilty for "causing" you to feel this way, and feel she is a burdon to you. That is not good. Try to care about her behind the eating and food symptoms. Ask her with real interest what is bothering her, why she restrict, talk about acceptance of emotions, body, needs..., ask if she is missing something or someone, what her fears are, if she is angry at someone and so on. Perhaps she will start loving her self enough to eat if she experience others love her unconditionally. It is important to see the depth of her and her potential, not just that which is apparant and visible to the eye. She is young and have no idea what is hiding inside. This must come out for her to see by someones encouragement and from some activity. Don't give up. It is more hope for her to be well soon than for those who don't have parents that cares, and criticize instead.

Quotes from Gwen and youreatopia


Once a restrictive eating disorder is activated, then it's there for life.

Fat is a hormoneproducing organ.



All those subjects in the Minnesota Starvation Experiment temporarily overshot their pre-study weights and all returned to their pre-study weights in the 12-18 months following the end of the study [A. Keys et al., 1950]. For most subjects they initially gained about 10% above their pre-study weights in the re-feeding period.

We also know from numerous other studies that anorexics often maintain a higher proportion of fat mass post-re-feeding [CI Orphanidou et al., 1997; M Probst et al., 2001; C Mantzoros et al., 1997] and this is likely due to the prevailing attitudes that hyperphagia must be avoided during recovery at all costs as it is considered a marker of “bingeing”. Instead, what these post-recovery data may show is that the prohibition of hyperphagia in recovery from restrictive eating disorders serves to halt the body’s ability to return to an optimal fat mass to fat-free mass ratio.

Furthermore researchers have shown there is a significant increase in trunk adiposity (fat deposits around the mid-section of the body) in recovery [S Grinspoon et al., 2001; L Mayer et al., 2005] and this fat mass is evenly redistributed in the optimization period after weight restoration only if the patient continues to eat in an unrestricted fashion [ibid.

Finally, women eat more in the post-ovulation phase relative to the pre-ovulation phase of the menstrual cycle [SP Dalvit, 1981]. This too does not result in progressive weight gain [ibid.] and it appears the extra energy is involved in serotonin modulation [SE Møller, 1992]. Basal metabolic rate varies significantly throughout the menstrual cycle [SJ Solomon et al., 1982] and carbohydrates (serotonergic nutrients) are the preferred nutrient that increases in the post-ovulation period [SP Dalvit-McPhillips, 1983].

Binge eating as a clinical disorder involves an inability to apply any restriction. That means, if you are on the restriction eating disorder spectrum, you are unable to develop BED. Your bingeing experience is an expression of required energy needs in reaction to restrictive eating behaviors. It is why I call this behavior reactive eating and not bingeing.

, ibid.]http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2012/10/31/bingeing-is-not-bingeing.html

Out of 19 prospective studies under scrutiny in the systematic review here’s what the data show:No correlation between inactivity and weight gain, waist gain, BMI increase or the prevalence of overweightness or obesity.http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2015/2/26/systematic-review-of-weight-gain-correlates-in-literature-pa.html
BMI 25-30 is a range that offers the lowest rate of disease and death for human beings [KM Flegal et. al., 2007, 2008 and 2010], so its classification as "overweight" in our cultures is a ridiculous and dangerous misrepresentation of what health actually looks like.http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2013/1/16/common-questions.html?currentPage=2#comments

Here is a good article about the criteria for being a binge eater and not just someone eating a lot after starvation. http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2011/11/3/binge-eating-disorder-and-night-eating-syndrome.html

6. mars 2015

I just woke up

It feels like I have woken up from a bad dream and the fog in my eyes are gone so I can see clearly.The fog that made me unsure if I needed to gain weight or not when I was looking in the mirror because it was in the way of seeing clearly.



2. mars 2015

The not so charming Mr. Ano.

Why on earth did I want to be Mr. Ano? Or did I never, but was obsessed?
He is everything i don't want to be. He is:
narcissistic
superficial
egoistical
untolerant
hostile
perfectionist
cold hearted
narrow minded
negative
pessimistic
unnatural
critical
judgemental
slighting
scornful
self-adulatory
bitter
sarcastic

1. mars 2015

Remember

If you feel big you need more space.
Take it.
Don't diet or in other ways restrict
to please a narcissistic!!

If you panic
and think you look fat
get it's all the vanity in the society
and vain you don't want to be.

You don't want to have pain.
You don't want to have fear.
You don't want to disappear.
You don't want to kill your body.