A combination of restriction and eating intuitively.

A combination of restriction and eating intuitively. Is that the normal, modern and vain woman's eating pattern? Well, so I reduced the calories to 2000 yesterday and will eat a bit less than that today. I have been thinking about two possible plans to follow to keep my weight here at the line between normal and underweight. 1 is to eat the amount i feel like eating ( I hate to be full and I like to starve a bit), sleep the amount I feel like and exercise the amount I feel like (stop forcing a lot in me and risk gaining too much) and hope my weight won't be much higher and try to accept it, or 2 is to make sure i don't gain by controlling my intake. Problem is I don't know how much i should eat at this point to keep my weight. I don't think reducing my intake down to 1500 (that is what the body will use when I don't exercise) is very wise at the moment to stop gaining. I would then lose my period and my health would be worse. (My heart still beats suddenly very hard 1-3 times sometimes) I am afraid that if I reduce it to 1800 I will still gain. I wish i knew. I think i will try a combination of the two and eat 1700 - 1750 calories. With no exercise I might gain, but it would be nice to take the chance and find out that i don't. I mean, if my weight was 45 i would gain for sure. But now that i weigh 10 kilos more it is possible i won't. I can try it and have a bit exercise. Like a daily 30 minute walk and a bit of yoga and very light strength training with elastic bands 2-3 times a week. I am now what those in myeatopia calls quasi-recovery. I have been there before so i know it well. Thing is, a lot of people are that even with no eating disorder. It means they control their body and have no acceptance for a natural weight if that weight is at the higher end of normal BMI so the needs are not entirely satisfied.

I hope my weight distribution will change even though I don't gain to a natural weight. I have lost my belief in the set point theory because I see a lot of people who eat naturally gain and loose weight easily. If I have to control my eating extensively no matter what weight I would rather do it on a low BMI. Now I think it is better to be sick a lot and have little energy than weighing 10 kilos more. I can't handle it. Seriously.