Before, when i wasn't ready to recover physically, I admired thin people. The thinner the more admiration. The more supernatural the better, like Angelina Jolie on her thinnest, I thought: how can she work and be that skinny? It is out of this world. Does she has power to rule over the physical laws or something? Well, now I know she was just lucky who did not become very ill or died, and now i think it is stressfull to look at very thin people because I am afraid they will collapse any second. I can breathe calmly when i look at her when she was bigger. This change made it easier to recover. I am more afraid of too skinny and death than have fat on my body and be natural. Now to be natural is preferable. I want to be a loving person who accept the reality even though it is not the way i prefer it all the time. There is a place for perfection, but it is not here at earth, so it is ok that this world is not, and that I have to have fat on my body if I want it to be a tool that works properly in this world. It is like a frock that protects me. If i don't give it food it becomes full of holes and don't protect me well. I will feel fragile and weak. Before I prefered thin over health. I don't anymore. Because thin is death on every level and health is life on every level. To look thin may look cool but I prefer the warmth from a loving heart.
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