Lige om lidt

Jeg leste på ROS sin hjemmeside i dag der det var anbefalt bøker om spiseforstyrrelser, og fant en boktittel jeg ikke har lest før; nemlig "Lige om lidt" av Kirsten Kallesøe. Jeg fant boka på biblioteket  i Agder fylke og ser frem til å lese den. Jeg har hørt intervju av henne og lest litt på hjemmesidene hennes.http://www.kirstenkallesoe.com/index.php

Intervju: http://familiekanalen.tv/?portfolio=kirsten-kallesoe-erfaringer-med-spiseforstyrrelse-og-selvskade-lang-Version

Det var to ting hun sa som jeg grep meg. Det var to sammendrag av hva spiseforstyrrelser handler om. Jeg omskriver poengene med egne ord:

Jo mer jeg blir fremelsket
jo mindre blir spiseforstyrrelsen.

Jo tommere livet er
jo mer plass får spiseforstyrrelsen.

Hun sier i intervjuet at da hun var syk ikke visste hva hun skulle bruke livet til. Jeg har hørt andre jenter si noe lignende; om jeg ikke skal ha en spiseforstyrret atferd, hva skal jeg så ta meg til?

Det i behandlingen som førte til tilfriskning var da behandlerne begynte å tro at hun selv visste hva hun trengte og ville. De begynte å undersøke henne som en ressurs istedenfor å være bedrevitende behandlere som lette etter feil å fikse. De begynte å stille mer spørsmål enn de gav svar. Ved å få denne deres interesse fikk hun ideer. Og de ideene støttet de! Det ble veien til å lage og mestre eget liv.

Can we chose to get well, chose to eat enough?

When we are narrowminded and destructive we don't feel we have a choice, because we feel trapped with no freedom to chose. Its when we want to get out of our prison we search outside and can find the freedom to chose. But first we have to understand we have put ourselves in a prison. When we deny we have a problem, we think we are more free than others because we are proud that we can chose not to eat, and we think others are like animals eating with no self control (no freedom).

I see anorexia as being possessed by a little devil that takes over our mind and body. We can chose to find the loving voice inside of us buried underneath all the blackness from the little anorexia devil we usually listen to and act according to. When I found the love I was surprised to see how much of me was the devil. We can choose love and freedom and refuse to listen to negative and destructive thoughts. When I started to look for the love inside it grew. The more I wanted to listen to that instead of the devil it took up more and more space and soon the devil disappeared because it did not like the light.

Its hard to chose to not be afraid. When we are afraid we get thoughts that are not worth listening to and we get so narrow minded it is hard to think outside the box. We can chose to look for people and an environment that can give us a sense of acceptance, freedom and love , though, so it is easier to let go of the negativity and take a chance on love.

Enough food = Happiness.

When we get enough food into our bodies it is so much easier to be happy. We don't need a reason to be happy. If we just stop looking for something about ourselves to criticise, but rather be happy about how things are instead, there is room for happiness to take place. I am gaining these days and I see I am getting fat on my stomach and hips, but my mood is great so i can actually find the fat making my body look charming. In my last recovery attempt I knew I would gain a lot and i did, but my fear of getting that big had nothing to do with reality. I did not get humiliated in public and no one said anything negative about my weight. I was still me, just in a bigger body. And a bigger size frightened me earlier. I was afraid of being more visible and possibly a target for attack, but I am stronger now and enough food makes me strong enough to deal with it. What will I be attacked for? What I say that can be offensive, right? I will use my self control to control what comes out of my mouth rather than the amount of food that comes in. If I can take responsibility for everything about me nothing will be perceived as an attack.

What you can expect in recovery from an eating disorder

People who recover from an eating disorder may soon go back to old habits unless they get knowledge about what to expect in the recovery process. Many are surprised that they get less energy instead of more when they eat more. They don't understand that the body wants to rest to be able to heal the damage the body hasn't been able to heal the time it did not get enough energy for the job. They don't even think damage has been done. In the beginning of the healing process many experience edema. Many freak out and think they rapidly gain fat, but that is not possible. Read about edema here:https://www.acute.org/blog/edema-eating-disorder-recovery-causes-prevention-and-treatment

Many also get surprised when they get extreme hunger and can eat ten thousand calories in a day, forgetting the body has been starved and need extra food. When this happens many are afraid they have just switched from anorexia to binge eating disorder and are not getting well at all, but this is a misunderstanding. A restrictive person do not become a binge eater. The extreme hunger will only last until the body has got the energy it needs to heal from starvation. Do not stop eating a lot just because you think you have reached a high enough weight. It is up to the body to decide when you have gained enough. After a period of extreme hunger the hunger will normalize and the weight gain will stop.

At this point it is important to continue eating enough food. Read the recommended amounts at the ED institute https://edinstitute.org/blog/2011/9/14/i-need-how-many-calories. Don't compare your own food intake with others, but eat when hungry till you are satisfied all day every day. Respect the bodys signals and eat. You need a lot of food. Do not trust a calculator online to tell you how many calories your body needs. The body will tell you that more precisely. 

Do not restrict even the slightest to lose weight or you may very soon go back to restricting more and more. No more restriction! No more starving! If you overshot your set point weight you will lose excess water and fat naturally if you continue eating enough and avoid purging and exercising. The body needs the food and weight gain to rebuild the muscle mass and heal the metabolism. You don't need to do strength training to rebuild the muscles, you need enough food and rest. The body gain water first, then fat, then muscle mass. So be patient.

To weigh yourself, track calories, look in the mirror and wear tight clothes can all make it harder to recover.

How to prevent eating disorders in children in a few words.

I think young people get vulnerable for this disorder if they experience that they don't get enough attention on how they feel, what they think and what they want and are criticised for how they express themselves. It is also important that the parents don't say in some way or another that one body shape is better than another. Most importantly is perhaps that the parents are good role models for how to cope with emotions.

Pride

Pride

​I felt pride because I was thin,
as if I didn't need anything.
But I was just pretending
to not need food, not need loving.


Why be ashamed of gaining weight, no longer be skinny,
as if giving our bodies what it needs is something wrong?
We say: I am not worth it, but we are not the body we feed.


Now I take care of my own needs.
I no longer wait for others to give and guess what they are.
I ask for what I need. I say what I want to say and eat without hesitation,


because I listen to my body now,
not my mother, father or others who put limitations on me.

Insecure about self worth

I used to eat just tiny amounts of food when i was at my dads house and get very hungry and throwing up at my mums house. My father made me feel worthless, so i think that is why. I needed my mum, was hungry for her attention and support, so I ate a lot to compensate for it, but because i never got her attention, I threw the food up again as if I did not deserve it. At times it felt good to throw up because it was like I threw up negative energies from my mum, all her criticism and hate towards me. When I no longer let my parents decide how I felt about my self I took control of my eating and let my self eat without throwing up afterwards. I was no longer insecure about my worth. Thanks to God.