The essence of anorexia in a poem

When you don't love me 

I feel so deprived

I can't eat

and the feeling get intensified.

Take care, friends say,

but why should I

when you don't?

Doc tells me I have anorexia,

but no, I don't have anything

when I don't have your love.

Pride

Pride

​I felt pride because I was thin,
as if I didn't need anything.
But I was just pretending
to not need food, not need loving.


Why be ashamed of gaining weight, no longer be skinny,
as if giving our bodies what it needs is something wrong?
We say: I am not worth it, but we are not the body we feed.


Now I take care of my own needs.
I no longer wait for others to give and guess what they are.
I ask for what I need. I say what I want to say and eat without hesitation,


because I listen to my body now,
not my mother, father or others who put limitations on me.

We switched places. A poem

After the devil left my womb
I feel like the devil's child.

No longer suppressing sexuality,
my loud voice and laughter 

that bothered my mum intensely
or being careful, thoughtful, selfless and loving. 

I am the opposite now: Sensual, sexual. With a huge ego.
I laugh instead of cry and instead of asking why.

I am the immature me finally, free.
This is where I have longed to be. 

The anorexia stopped me from developing, maybe.
I feel like 12 all over again,
but this time without anxiety.