The teenagers body and the tragedy of unnecessary lack of knowledge.

When I was a teenager noone told me at school or at home what I have read here about the needed weight gain that happens because the body is developing into an adult body. The teenagers should be warned againt dieting in this phase. (I was encouraged to diet by a nurse, and I wasn't even overweight!) If the teenagers knew that the body develops untill they are 25 and that they shouldn't mess with the body and be judgemental about the look of it before they saw the end result in their twenties (and hopefully don't be judgemental about it then either, of course). If they knew the body would look less swollen later if they just waited to see, many wouldn't have started dieting, I think. It could prevent it, at least for some. Why on earth are they not told this and encouraged to trust their bodies? I think it is sad and upsetting.
At least the school nurse could have the task to speak about it for the entire school every year. About the body changes, the importance of respecting their own and others boundaries for intimacy and privacy, warn against commenting and criticising, learn about communication, solving conflicts, expressing emotions and so on. Mental health, is that a taboo subject or are people so materialistic that they don't think it matters (because it isn't matter)?

Fat is not to blame. Fat is not a shame.

It was never the fat that was the enemy. It was the dirty men crossing the line, it was the materialistic people who saw you as a body only, it was the ballett class that just accepted skinny girls and women, it was the overcontrolling parents that gave you no control over your life and no freedom to be you.

You don't want a man who only likes skinny girls and women do you? But a man who find beauty in every living body. A tolerate human being. That is what you want to be as well, isn't it? Now we go around as living dead. You never wanted that, did you?

You needed to put up a boundery around yourself, because clearly the fat wasn't rough enough to work as that. Edgy bones would do the trick. The dirty hands would get hurt by your bones. No fat to grab on to.

Fat is feminine mostly. This part of the feminine is still not respected. Many men still fear us: our special strength, our nature, our sexuality and connection to the unconcious and the divine. Can you imagine a goddess with unhealthy low fat percentage? It is a part of our strength. Without it we can't be fertile.

I'm trying to accept being heavier. To be used to the idea of being heavier. I have to be sure I can hold a bigger body. Wear a bigger body without shame before I gain. I must stop fooling myself to think I can have energy for exercise just by gaining a few kilos. It doesn't work like that. The body are deficient, that means I need to go all the way till the body says it is ok.

I can throw away the idea of counting calories in recovery. I can binge and go crazy because it is the body that needs healing and that takes a lot of energy, time and rest. It's all in or no change at all. I will eat healthy, though. Add fat, not sugar. Eat healthy and supplement with chocolates sweetened with stevia and home made ice cream and almond buns. I'm just not ready to face me with a fuller body yet. I am motivated though. I must talk to someone special and see if he can support me first. A very good friend of mine who likes skinny, child-like women only. Sigh!

Do I want to look like a flatchested child?

Yes! A girl about 12 who has just started developing breasts so she is almost flat. I was very thin when I was 12 and I was as tall as I am now so I'd like to look like that. I like the innocent sexuality, the unexperience of dirty mens minds. The happiness before all the bad experiences darkened my mind. I was happy about my body untill I was 16 and I got sick of men just being interested in my body. I felt I wasn't taken seriously. So I wanted to take responsibility of my body, not eat unhealthy and be sexy anymore, but be valued for my intelligence. I had been hung up on sweets and pretty boys, so I had to grow up and get control over my body, the desire for sex, attention and food.

When I felt weak I wanted to look like an innocent child, because to look sexy in that state will be taken advantage of. Now I don't need to be taken care of anymore. But I need to be weak, though, because I don't want to work for anybody. I don't want to feel like a nobody like I did when I was a child, criticised all the time. I want my freedom. I want to be care free like a child should be. I want a child hood where I have no responsibility and are loved even though I don't do something to please others, but just because I am me. And where I get freedom, not are over- controlled.

I have loved looking androgynous so people may not know if I am a irl or a boy after taking a closer look. I use mens clothes and have short hair.Then I am safe from sexual overtures.

If you have been over-controlled read this amazing article:http://blog.selfarcheology.com/2014/04/the-burden-of-being-over-controlled-as.html