Me as 14: An inspiration

Can you remember how you felt before you started restricting? A time you felt good in your body, felt strong? Before someone made you feel small? Remember how you treated your body then and had regular meals? Try to get inspired by that and take back that self image. You need support to overcome the feeling of being small, to overcome the trauma. Talk about it, cry and so on. I have been destructive for so many years myself because some men have treated me badly. They scared me and then I used the fear to restrict. They are the ones who should suffer, not us. I am done treating myself badly. Just because they did doesn't mean I deserve it and should continue doing it. No, we should find love so we can cry, heal and be good to ourselves again.

I think if we shift our focus from how the body appears to how the body feels when it is no longer starved + how more happy and calm we feel when no longer starving it will be easier to accept the weight gain in recovery. And to focus on wanting to heal our body, nourish it with food, instead of associate food with weight gain.

I remember when i was 14 I knew I was bigger than I wished to be, but I focused on the positive I could find with my body and was happy. I thought as long as guys find me attractive i am fine. An older guy expressed that he wasn't happy I wasn't thinner. I was surprised and laughed because I had seen a woman leaving his flat once looking very thin. I thought to myself she had a completely different body type than I had and I didn't even want to look so frail. I thought he was childish complaining I didn't look like her. So I didn't get offended or hurt at all. This was before I experienced several sexual traumas that made me insecure.

I have thought back on my past, again. This time not just one event, but my whole life. Looked at what happened and what I felt and did after each trauma. Finally I got the whole picture and snapped out of my fear-filled atmosphere.