Overcome the irrational fear

I don't want to come to heaven and have to say: Well, on earth my main goal was to be thin and stay thin because I was so traumatized. I just fiddled with what was right in front of me- my body, too overwhelmed to look up on what was going on around me.


I did wish to serve people, but this wish was at the base of my skull, overshadowed by the fear of gaining weight. Unfortunately, I can't say to do good to others was my main goal. I was more like a skinny bitch than a pleasant selfless servant of God because my happiness was just as starved as the rest of me.


I don't want to die and not yet have overcome an irrational fear (of having a normal body weight). I want to be reckoned among the strong- the survivors who got lost at sea, but held on to the helping hands until I could stand safe on my own two feet on land.