Both sex and love, snack and food.

My anorexia has had this ideal of being pure; Not indulge in sex or food. Be above physical needs and pain. Live above the physical realm, not accepting that I have a physical body and live in a physical world. Pretending I don't need food, sex or love (because to yearn for intimacy when it is unavailable feels so sad and lonely). I can't wait to have a heavenly body and live in a heavenly realm, but it is not possible to act as I am heavenly already now by denying the physical body and realm. God made this body for us to be able to act as the angels we feel we are in the physical world. I think it is only possible to live heavenly in this world when we embrace all we are subjected to and not denying anything. 

I don't have to reject my physical body just because I don't identify with it. If I take care of it it will no longer constantly complain about starvation and pain. I will get freedom to actually love, feel free and be happy. I have started to eat what ever and how much my body needs and my libido is back. Luckily I have an amazing boyfriend who loves me and makes love to me in a healing way. If I was single now the libido would probably become frustrating.

My anorexia think it is bad to enjoy food and sex, but would God give us these things to enjoy if they were? What can be bad (or cause us to miss the goal) is to only care about physical pleasures and not about important things like caring about others, become wiser and so on. We can care about the mundane as a means to act heavenly. When we eat enough and make love it is also so much easier to be kind and helpful to others- and be happy about ourselves because of it. Life at earth is good when we allow ourselves to eat chocolate or what ever we fancy, feel relaxed because we have satisfied our physical hunger and have enough libido to enjoy sex fully. 

To make ourselves happy what ever way that is and then share that happiness into loving others must be the right way to live. When we try to repress the needs of our body to prioritize virtues we will not reach our goal: To do good to others. It is when we take care of the needs of our bodies we have the energy to do good. We have to receive to give. We can't do that if we think we are worthless before we give. Not only on the physical level, but also on the emotional, mental and spiritual realm we need to feed ourselves if we want to share/express energy from those levels. 

I have never questioned my mental hunger for knowledge or my spiritual hunger for wisdom, but I questioned my hunger for physical fuel because I was not sure if I was welcome in the physical realm. If your parents don't want to see or hear you or if you think no one wants to be with you it is easy to question that. The physical realm is also a dangerous place where we can get mistreated and feel pain so maybe you are not sure you want to be here either. So to recover from anorexia it is important to find people who truly appreciate you and a place to live where you can feel safe and happy. 

You must be aware that restricting food is your way of defending yourself when life gets tough. To find other ways to handle tests is important to avoid going back to restriction. What circumstances could allure you to restrict again? What can you do to instead of restriction to improve your life when those things happen?