Accepting a higher set point weight than what is preferred.

I can only talk for myself, for what helps me accept that my set point weight is higher than I want it to be. Accept doesn't come flying to me. I have pushed myself to try to accept it. The same with getting motivated for recovery. I have to make an effort and seek it.

I remember having a bigger body before getting sick and I was fine with it because I felt good. It was when some tragic events happened I blamed my body and started studying it critically. I couldn't control and stop other peoples cruelty so I identified my body with that cruelty so I could control it (kind of). The body got the blame and it suddenly looked way bigger than it really was and I felt it was all those things the cruel people was. Vulgar, selfish, not to be trusted, pig-like and with uncontrollable desires. My point is the body doesn't deserve the hate and the critical perspective.

There are things we can't control and we have to accept it. And that includes how the body looks. I know you have love for your body hidden somewhere in your mind. You must want it to be found.  It isn't us that should be imprisoned, but those fuckers that fucked us up.

What motivates me and helps me accept recovery is thinking about the positive aspects about it and the negative aspects I experienced when I was restricting that will disappear. Health issues, mood, freedom etc.

Recovery and remission.

From youreatopia: http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2013/5/14/remission-accomplished-what-does-it-signify.html 

I use the term “in active recovery” across the site, but what you achieve at the end of a successful recovery process is, hopefully, a full remission. The end state is not a full recovery. No one ever recovers from a restrictive eating disorder. The nature of chronic neurobiological conditions is that they cannot be cured.

I have often reiterated the following as well: restrictive eating disorders are either active or in remission. Remission can be permanent, or there can be flares of the condition in times of stress (a relapse).

Signs of remission:
1) You look forward to gatherings and celebrations that center on food. Like all those without an eating disorder, you indulge happily and do not compensate either before or after the event.
2) You have no forbidden foods, unless of course they could actually kill you (think peanut allergy).
3) You are a force for moral absolution. Your relationship with food is a morality-free zone and it has far reaching influence on those around you, not to mention yourself.
4) You experience your body, and every body, as a miracle every day. You marvel at the healing of a bruise. You stop to watch your fingers flying over a keyboard and are amazed. You see form and function and the innate power of the body.
5) You understand on a cellular level that “savoring” is a state of transcendence and transubstantiation. Transforming food into life-giving energy is freaking phenomenal!
6) You feel connected.
While many with eating disorders can feel strangely energized and alive in a state of extreme energy depletion, they rarely feel connected in that state. In fact, they feel a high in the disconnection. Connection is actually an ambivalent state and you are able to hold the ambivalence with appreciation. It is not always joyous, supportive or healing to be connected to others. But you are ok with that.
7) You are fluid. (I think she means like fluid, Changable, flexible)

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**Here is how you know you are ready to attempt eating to your hunger cues:
Your weight appears stable. (weighing yourself is not necessary to determine that).
If you have dealt with amenorrhea during your restriction, then you have achieved 3 consecutive periods in a row.
You are continuing to eat minimum amounts and it is comfortable to do so.
Other lingering signs of repair seem complete (no longer cold, tired, achey, dealing with water retention, no brittle hair or nails etc.)
You think you may need to start eating to hunger cues and are a bit anxious that you can trust those cues.
Note Item 5—if you are feeling extremely confident about eating to hunger cues then chances are you are a ways away from remission still.
You move from meal plans or counting calories to eating to hunger cues by attempting a 3-day experiment. Eat to your hunger cues but jot down everything you eat. At the end of those three days you should discover that your hunger has taken you to approximately the recovery guidelines you have been following thus far. If so, then you can likely trust your hunger cues and move into your remission with some confidence.**

If you have a couple of the following you haven't recovered:
- Reflections in mirrors/surfaces are 'dysmorphic' eg look disconnected etc.
- Don't feel muscles properly = nerves not repaired yet.
- fidgeting/restlessness/agitation = bodies way of getting you to move to find food.
-tingling
-no expendable energy

If you are six months or more into the recovery process and you’ve found yourself unhappy with having to eat to the minimum intake, then eat to hunger cues for three to five days. Log all the food you eat in those days and at the end of the test phase, add up all the calories and average the intake out to arrive at your daily average.
If the daily average appears within 200 or so calories of the minimum intake guideline for your age/sex and height, then try another five-day test period in the same way. If you see no progressive restriction in your intake, then Huzzah! You are likely in remission.

When body fat is completely recovered and fat free mass recovery is still well below normal, excessive hunger is still evident, but disappears as fat free mass recovery approach to 100%.

Extreme hunger in brain or body.

I think I have trouble sleeping because it is so hot outside during the night. Perhaps not. Perhaps that is just an excuse, cause last night the reason why I didn't fall asleep was that I was thinking, planning on what new to eat the next days! It was like EH (mania) in my brain, not the rest of my body. I, no my brain, was afraid I would get bored of the food and not be able to eat enough so it was trying to figure out I could eat! Ha ha! Wish I could talk to an intelligent part of my body and assure it I will continue eating a lot every day. Relax!

I have a theory but the only experience is my own so I'd love to hear your experiences.
The theory is that EH comes when you have restricted very much, eaten almost nothing (300-500 cal. a day for example) for a long time. I had EH after eating like that when I was 18/19 years old, but now that I had eaten 1500 a day for many years before going into full recovery and eating the double I do not experience EH. I'm very hungry and have a huge appetite, but I have not been so hungry that I have mecanically eaten a huge amount more than 3000 cal. and out of control. Do you have the same experience or is the theory only for my body?

Emotional eater?

If your body didn't need the food you wouldn't have eaten. Bored, emotional or what ever is not the main cause of eating. It can be the thing that push you to allow the body to get food. But that's it. Boredom doesn't need food. Noone ever criticised people for eating when they were happy in a party. We are emotional beings, eating or not.

There is one important thing missing in this cycle:

and that destroys the whole illustration. It is restriction. Restriction is the cause of "over"eating. You are not being an over eater or emotional eater when you have been restricted your intake of food. You have had reactive eating, a result of starvation, a reaction on hunger signals.
"But why do I eat so much?" Do you eat more than you restricted?
It is the ED thoughts that causes the guilt and remorse (and restricting behaviour). This illustration sucks.

The supporters challange

I have been thinking about non-ED people who can't seem to grasp why we need more food than normal amounts. I think some may be horrified to see we are out of control. It scares them and reminds them of how powerless we all really are. The fear hinder them from thinking anything new. They get tunnell vision. The body is acting like an animal. Scary to watch when it's a new experience. I was scared when I experienced EH when I had never heard about it or anything recovery related when I was 19. I thought I acted like crazy, but I just had to join the ride. There was no other option. I have experienced this kind of powerlessness many times after that when I was overwhelmed by strong emotions. I tried to hold them back, but then I just got anxiety. Power, pure power, is beyond our control. That is the forces of nature and the spiritual realm.

Of course it is other reasons why people can't grasp why we need so much. They just haven't heard about it before and if they don't believe you it may be because they don't trust that you know what you are talking about. I mean, young and all. I don't give up trying to convince somebody. I'm stubborn and explain things untill they believe me. I'm pretty intense so they can't escape:)

The importance of eating above minimum.

I managed to eat 800 calories above minimum today. I did it because if I only eat minimum the recovery will take so much longer. I got a reminder of that today, thank God. There was a girl who had just eaten minimum and wasn't recovered after 19 months! When she ate more she was soon recovered. I'm glad I was shaken out of the same pattern so I can recover at a high speed.

I think using a very long time to recover is more frightening than eating the amount the body needs to get well as quickly as possible. I have just done it for a few days now, eating above minimum. I had to think the opposite of what the ED has taught me so I could do the opposite, and my mood is so much better! I will not eat less and get the bad mood again! My perspective is much wider than it was too.

Food is not an enemy. It's the opposite. Everything in recovery is opposite from what the ED say. Eat above minimum, eat as calorie dense as possible, eat as much as possible, follow your body's hunger and appetite signals, body fat is a good thing, relaxing and sleeping enough is a good thing, to care less about our looks is a good thing, to care less about what other thinks is a good thing, to feel and express our emotions and our sexuality is a good thing. To express exactly what we think and go for what we really want is a good thing. And most importantly: to stop believing in ED' lies is the best thing. Because that gives freedom. Out of freedom comes happiness. Out og happiness comes goodness. Goodness that gives peace and true satifaction, and never judge and reject anything.

The best ice cream ever!

I made ice cream yesterday and ate some today. It is so good. It taste like chocolate icecream from the shop, only better. (Or I have forgot the taste. It takes less than ten minutes to make it.

Whisk 3 egg yolks till it looks lighter. 5 minutes or so.
Whisk 3 dl whipping cream till it's creamy in another bowl.
Add 3 teaspoons of (drinking) cacao
+ 16 natreen tablets (or 16 teaspoons of sugar etc) to the eggs.
I also added 1/2 a teaspoon vanilla powder and a bit of salt.

Whisk the eggmix and add this to the cream and whip it together.
Put it in a lunch box or something with a lid and freeze for a few hours.