When I was a teenager I didn't feel I belonged in any of the groups of people I knew about. In one group the focus was all laughs and fun, but doing very boring things. The other was destructive, talking negatively and using drugs. There was no exploring! I went on my own instead and into the world of anorexia. I missed love. I missed my father and a close relationship to my mother and/or anyone, really. I missed that someone with love would attract something within me so I could see what was there.
After being on my own for 5 years I met an older guy who had love and I had to make him fall in love with me. He did. He was caring and his love connected me to the greatest love within me, Gods love. Then I didn't need him anymore. He felt rejected and found someone else. Then, with the connection to God, I found out who I was, slowly and steadily. God didn't judge, so I was free to feel, think, express and want what ever. His tolerance became my tolerance. I was no longer ashamed of my emotions and needs. Those emotions and needs made me aware of who I was.
I got interested in all religions, philosophy, spiritual development and art as a way to express my self as I got to know myself. I started painting, and ended up writing. That has been my thing for many years now.
I think we are divine. I think when connected to God we get to know our selves, our lower self, the unpermanent that only is made for this world, as well as the everlasting self that is close to and a reflection of God. It is not strange that I felt unfullfilled and lost when I had no connection to God who could make me see what great potensial I had inside me. People in comparison have a tendency to narrow others down because we live in a competative and materialistic society. No wonder we want out, or in, to find our own ground.
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