Always replace the stupid thoughts with smart ones, the unhealthy with the healthy and the hateful with the loving. We did not learn to think the right thoughts from our culture, so we must teach ourselves and replace what we learned with something we find better.
20. mai 2019
18. mai 2019
Stand up for our actions
I have had anorexia for so long I feel bad thinking it may be a whole lot of things i have said and done that may have been harmful to others. If we know about some obvious things we could talk to those affected by it, say sorry and explain. We are not less responsible for our actions just because we have a disorder and hopefully people don't think that either and avoid confronting us about our behaviour. Remember: If someone feel a grudge towards you they are the ones responsible to tell you. I know for sure if someone tell me I have hurt them in any way I would be happy to say I am sorry and explain myself so they could understand and forgive.
What is the ED voice?
The ED voice wants the body to die, so it does not like it when we want to relax the body, when we want to sleep and eat enough or just enjoy ourselves. It criticise us to make sure we limit this. The ED voice is the voice of death and destruction. When we want something unnatural like losing weight in an unhealthy weight, we don't get help from divine forces, but evil ones. As soon as we want to be natural, healthy and good to ourselves, the voice and forces disappear as we no longer want to listen to it. It is all up to us what we want. Do we want to treat our body good or bad?
15. mai 2019
Cool recovery comments I have found online
I have a friend who is a dietician. In her facility, she has a device
that determines your metabolic rate by analyzing your breath for 10 -
20 minutes. (You breath into a tube through your mouth with a clip on
your nose.) I decided it might be interesting to do a "before and
after," so I asked her if I could use the machine.
Anyway, I took a measurement the day before I started eating a minimum of 2700 calories a day. (I'm a 5'9 28-year-old female.) The result was that my resting metabolic rate was about 1350 calories, meaning that, with activities of daily living and no deliberate exercise, I would maintain my weight on about 1800 calories a day. This is obviously far less than the Minnie Maud recommendations.
But that's not the whole story. I retested myself today - I've been eating at least 2700 calories (usually more) a day for about a month. I knew there would be a difference - my body temperature has gone up three degrees and I soak my sheets with sweat at night - but I was shocked by how big it was. My resting metabolic rate was about 2100 calories, meaning that (again, with just normal daily activities), I have to eat about 2700 calories to maintain my weight.
Hmm...2700 calories. Does anyone recognize that number? Oh, right, it's EXACTLY the number that the Minnie Maud guidelines predicted. :-)
Malnutrition distorts body image and perception, I believe the Minnesota Starvation Experiment showed that ED thoughts are really to a large extent a product of starvation, rather than the cause. At the beginning i would only put myself down for eating 'naughty foods', but by the end i would be feeling extreme feelings of guilt and shame for eating something like a banana.
Genetics creates the blue print
Familial/childhood environment fashions the gun
(At some point) a chronic or acute stressor pulls the trigge.
My new mantra became "I release the need to be thin so that I can trust the process so that I can become Real".
Its ironic that, for me, the ED is both born from fear and dies at the hand of fear.
I do the body check thing too! Sitting, walking past mirrors, etc. Something that has kind of helped me--kind of because I'm still making a habit of it--is to pretend my body belongs to somebody else. Sounds weird, but it helps me to be more objective and less critical. If I catch myself staring at my stomach or thighs or whatever unflattering feature, I imagine myself doing the same thing to somebody else and realize what a rude thing it is I'm doing. Same with weighing and measuring; if some random person came up to me and started measuring me or weighing me for the sole purpose of tearing me apart in their mind I would be pissed, so why is it okay to do to myself?
It helps. Don't like to be rude!
Anyway, I took a measurement the day before I started eating a minimum of 2700 calories a day. (I'm a 5'9 28-year-old female.) The result was that my resting metabolic rate was about 1350 calories, meaning that, with activities of daily living and no deliberate exercise, I would maintain my weight on about 1800 calories a day. This is obviously far less than the Minnie Maud recommendations.
But that's not the whole story. I retested myself today - I've been eating at least 2700 calories (usually more) a day for about a month. I knew there would be a difference - my body temperature has gone up three degrees and I soak my sheets with sweat at night - but I was shocked by how big it was. My resting metabolic rate was about 2100 calories, meaning that (again, with just normal daily activities), I have to eat about 2700 calories to maintain my weight.
Hmm...2700 calories. Does anyone recognize that number? Oh, right, it's EXACTLY the number that the Minnie Maud guidelines predicted. :-)
Malnutrition distorts body image and perception, I believe the Minnesota Starvation Experiment showed that ED thoughts are really to a large extent a product of starvation, rather than the cause. At the beginning i would only put myself down for eating 'naughty foods', but by the end i would be feeling extreme feelings of guilt and shame for eating something like a banana.
Genetics creates the blue print
Familial/childhood environment fashions the gun
(At some point) a chronic or acute stressor pulls the trigge.
My new mantra became "I release the need to be thin so that I can trust the process so that I can become Real".
Its ironic that, for me, the ED is both born from fear and dies at the hand of fear.
I do the body check thing too! Sitting, walking past mirrors, etc. Something that has kind of helped me--kind of because I'm still making a habit of it--is to pretend my body belongs to somebody else. Sounds weird, but it helps me to be more objective and less critical. If I catch myself staring at my stomach or thighs or whatever unflattering feature, I imagine myself doing the same thing to somebody else and realize what a rude thing it is I'm doing. Same with weighing and measuring; if some random person came up to me and started measuring me or weighing me for the sole purpose of tearing me apart in their mind I would be pissed, so why is it okay to do to myself?
It helps. Don't like to be rude!
To be healthy is to stop manipulating our body.
When we focus on how we appear in others eyes its hard to let go of control of our body. We may be afraid something bad will happen to us, sexual abuse, rejection, uncontrolled behaviour, emotional outbursts..., and have buildt an identity to protect us from that.
We starve our difficult emotions and the needs that are hard to fulfill. We feel we have to stand up for the body and defend it in a culture where everybody "should" look a certain way, where people try to exploit you and talk about your food choices and bodyshape.
As a healthy person we have to change our main focus from how we appear in others eyes to how our body feels, what it wants and how well it works and accept that it looks the way it does when it is fed what it needs. We must start wanting to look like the body wants to look instead of a image in our head. We must get real.
Never begin restricting again after being weight restored. I ate 2500 calories as weight restored 1,5 years ago and felt fantastic, like a kid, but I was impatient to lose weight after overshooting my set point weight so I just thought I would push the process a little bit by eating less calories without feeling too hungry. I reduced to 2000 first, then to 1700 and then to 1500. By that time I had forgot my intention was to just reduce to a number where I did not starve.
Now I must go back to where I was 1,5 years ago and eat 2500 and gain back the weight i could not accept at the time. Why should we starve our whole life? Its crazy. We deserve to feel satisfied. We dont have to live up to any idea of how to be and how to look. To be free from eating disorder we must stop manipulating our body. We must respect it, how much food, rest and activity it wants. I know its easy to say and I find it hard to accept that my body isn't as skinny naturally as i wish it could be, but I will try to love it anyway and as the time goes by I think I know I will get used to it. I will focus on enjoying the fact that it is working better and feels better to live in. For me restricting calories has also restricted my life. If I want to do something important in the future I will now have a body that is strong enough to participate.
I do no longer feel proud of how I look, but that is not a bad thing to let go of either, is it? :)
We starve our difficult emotions and the needs that are hard to fulfill. We feel we have to stand up for the body and defend it in a culture where everybody "should" look a certain way, where people try to exploit you and talk about your food choices and bodyshape.
As a healthy person we have to change our main focus from how we appear in others eyes to how our body feels, what it wants and how well it works and accept that it looks the way it does when it is fed what it needs. We must start wanting to look like the body wants to look instead of a image in our head. We must get real.
Never begin restricting again after being weight restored. I ate 2500 calories as weight restored 1,5 years ago and felt fantastic, like a kid, but I was impatient to lose weight after overshooting my set point weight so I just thought I would push the process a little bit by eating less calories without feeling too hungry. I reduced to 2000 first, then to 1700 and then to 1500. By that time I had forgot my intention was to just reduce to a number where I did not starve.
Now I must go back to where I was 1,5 years ago and eat 2500 and gain back the weight i could not accept at the time. Why should we starve our whole life? Its crazy. We deserve to feel satisfied. We dont have to live up to any idea of how to be and how to look. To be free from eating disorder we must stop manipulating our body. We must respect it, how much food, rest and activity it wants. I know its easy to say and I find it hard to accept that my body isn't as skinny naturally as i wish it could be, but I will try to love it anyway and as the time goes by I think I know I will get used to it. I will focus on enjoying the fact that it is working better and feels better to live in. For me restricting calories has also restricted my life. If I want to do something important in the future I will now have a body that is strong enough to participate.
I do no longer feel proud of how I look, but that is not a bad thing to let go of either, is it? :)
10. mai 2019
I am back. Healing the rest of my anorexia.
My weight was restored 1,5 years ago and I thought I would finally be healed from anorexia, but I hindered that from truly happening long term. It was my impatience and the fact that I still was obsessed about counting calories that did it. When my body got weight restored and the appetite decreased (after extreme hunger) I lost weight (because i had overshot my set point a lot). At that time I ate 2500 calories. My impatience and myself thought that I could try to eat just 2000 and see if I felt satisfied also then and probably lose some more, more quicky. So I did. And after a while I went down to 1800 calories, then 1700 and at last 1500 calories. I did not fully heal because of this. I have headaches again, not much energy and I understand I am not healed from anorexia as long as I count my calories and starve every evening. When I am more active than usual I get headaches. To me that is a sign that I am not healed and don't eat and rest enough. When I restricted before my attempt on recovery my headaches was bad, I had to be in bed for days. This has happened to me many times after I started taking control over my calorie intake. I feel I can't do much when I have these headaches. I feel I am not well. I want to get well.
My fear now is that I have to overshoot my set point again to heal. I think and hope that I will not get extreme hunger this time and not gain a crazy amount of weight because I have not restricted that much and not for very long. I understand now that I was not fully ready to heal from anorexia, but I will really try this time. I understand the importance of eating enough and that I must trust my body. Many girls are eating a lot and are still lean because their metabolism is healed and they eat right. (High carb and low fat whole foods).
I feel vulnerable when I am not in control, following my rules and starving my body and emotions together with it. Anorexia was my armor. Now i am not defending myself with it anymore, but actually taking care of my body. That is the opposite behavior and attitude. When you take care of your body you are more receptive to your body signals and signals from other people. I feel a lot of fear because I must let go of my old rules. How am I going to defend myself now if someone questions how much I eat or how well fed I look? Instead of making sure questions like that never come up by following anorexia rules, i must now stand up for my self and say, think and mean that I eat what my body needs and the body looks like it wants to look. It is not up to me to change nature.
My fear now is that I have to overshoot my set point again to heal. I think and hope that I will not get extreme hunger this time and not gain a crazy amount of weight because I have not restricted that much and not for very long. I understand now that I was not fully ready to heal from anorexia, but I will really try this time. I understand the importance of eating enough and that I must trust my body. Many girls are eating a lot and are still lean because their metabolism is healed and they eat right. (High carb and low fat whole foods).
I feel vulnerable when I am not in control, following my rules and starving my body and emotions together with it. Anorexia was my armor. Now i am not defending myself with it anymore, but actually taking care of my body. That is the opposite behavior and attitude. When you take care of your body you are more receptive to your body signals and signals from other people. I feel a lot of fear because I must let go of my old rules. How am I going to defend myself now if someone questions how much I eat or how well fed I look? Instead of making sure questions like that never come up by following anorexia rules, i must now stand up for my self and say, think and mean that I eat what my body needs and the body looks like it wants to look. It is not up to me to change nature.
15. feb. 2018
To korte beskrivelser av hva anoreksi er
Anoreksi krever at man deflekterer og er dissosiert fra alt livet som skjer i kroppen. Den rikdommen er det offeret man velger bort, så man kan bruke livet på å få til en sunn og meningsfull relasjon igjen, på egne vilkår, der man ikke opplever å være bundet på samme vis, på hender og føtter. Anoreksi var eneste mulighet for å overleve i denne verden. Å forbli glassklar, transparent og aldeles upåvirkelig, fordi man selv styrer over livet på en meget nøye, men også begrensende måte.
Anoreksi sier liksom: "Jeg er ikke ønsket, så da sulter jeg bort kropp, tanker, lyst, følelser og vilje så jeg passer inn." Og: " Noen gnager på meg konstant. Se, snart er alt kjøtt borte!"
Anoreksi sier liksom: "Jeg er ikke ønsket, så da sulter jeg bort kropp, tanker, lyst, følelser og vilje så jeg passer inn." Og: " Noen gnager på meg konstant. Se, snart er alt kjøtt borte!"
" Jeg kan ikke spise mer fordi "I have too much on my plate".
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