When we focus on how we appear in others eyes its hard to let go of control of our body. We may be afraid something bad will happen to us, sexual abuse, rejection, uncontrolled behaviour, emotional outbursts..., and have buildt an identity to protect us from that.
We starve our difficult emotions and the needs that are hard to fulfill. We feel we have to stand up for the body and defend it in a culture where everybody "should" look a certain way, where people try to exploit you and talk about your food choices and bodyshape.
As a healthy person we have to change our main focus from how we appear in others eyes to how our body feels, what it wants and how well it works and accept that it looks the way it does when it is fed what it needs. We must start wanting to look like the body wants to look instead of a image in our head. We must get real.
We starve our difficult emotions and the needs that are hard to fulfill. We feel we have to stand up for the body and defend it in a culture where everybody "should" look a certain way, where people try to exploit you and talk about your food choices and bodyshape.
As a healthy person we have to change our main focus from how we appear in others eyes to how our body feels, what it wants and how well it works and accept that it looks the way it does when it is fed what it needs. We must start wanting to look like the body wants to look instead of a image in our head. We must get real.
You must never begin restricting after being weight restored. I ate 2500 calories as weight restored 1,5 years ago and felt fantastic, like a kid, but i was impatient to lose weight after overshooting my set point weight so i just thought i would push the process a bit by eating less calories without feeling too hungry. I reduced to 2000 first, then to 1700 and then to 1500. By that time I had forgot that my intention was to just reduce to a number where I did not starve.
Now I must go back to where I was 1,5 years ago and eat 2500 and gain back the weight i could not accept at the time. Why should we starve our whole life? Its crazy. We deserve to feel satisfied. We dont have to live up to any idea of how to be and how to look. To be free from eating disorder we must stop manipulating our body. We must respect it, how much food, rest and activity it wants. I know its easy to say and I find it hard to accept that my body isn't as skinny naturally as i wish it could be, but I will try to love it anyway and as the time goes by I think I know I will get used to it. I will focus on enjoying the fact that it is working better and feels better to live in. For me restricting calories has also restricted my life. If I want to do something important in the future I will now have a body that is strong enough to participate.
I do no longer feel proud of how I look, but that is not a bad thing to let go of either, is it? :)
Ingen kommentarer:
Legg inn en kommentar