Build yourself up.

The nature of the beast: It is not finished before you are in the grave. That is what you need to understand. It is the destructive force, it is death, slowly finishing your body because you want it smaller. Instead of letting it kill you slowly as it helps you get thin you could focus on how you can build people up. That will help you build yourself up too, because how can you help others if you have not helped yourself first? 

Maybe our purpose is to help others, but to be able to do so we first need to go through what others do? I do not want to say when my life has ended and souls ask what I did at earth "At least I managed to get really skinny." No, I want to say I tried to help people as much as possible so they could understand their own worth enough to take care of themselves and do the same thing. I have tried to help a woman with an ED lately and by doing so I came to a point where I saw I could not get further because I had not understood why I was destructive myself yet, but the motivation to help her motivated me to take a good look at the big knot in my mind and unravel what was there.

To get thin was a strategy to deal with selfish people when setting boundaries for myself was not an option as I was already invaded. When you get invaded it builds up hate, but if that hate is not possible to express to the people who did you harm what do you do with it? Selfish people also want you to take the blame! So you have to take it on yourself. If you had expressed it you might have killed the beasts and the hate doesn't calm down when they never say sorry. Also meaning it is not safe again. You can expect abuse to happen again. What do you do when the beasts can not be controlled? You avoid them and you try what you can to prevent abuse to happen again so you can feel somewhat safe. You make sure your body is less visible for the beasts, less sexy to avoid sexual abuse, less repulsive for the ones with contempt to avoid criticism and rejection. You do what you can do in a world that is unsafe because many have no empathy. They just take what they want and say what they feel like. But you are not weak. You were weakened for a while by rejection, invasion and abuse. It is harm that needs healing. Thing is you will get stronger when the healing is done and then you can easily manage those beasts. Because they are the weak ones as they lack every deed. Without love they are nothing. 

Build yourself up because the abusers have no pity. Build yourself up by the power of love and step on the beasts with your foot. What they say says something about themselves. As a channel for love there is nothing in the way that can be harmed. As a channel for love you are finally safe. Build yourself up because your love is needed by those who have experienced the same as you.