Fat. So what?

When a man who likes you looks at your body what do you think he sees? He put his eyes on what he finds attractive. He doesn't look for flaws like we do when we look at our bodies. Where do men put their hands on our bodies? Where there is fat. They like to have something to grab on to. They love the female bodys softness. They like what is the opposite of their own. Big women are queens! Fat phobia is caused by misinformation about health and taken advantage of by selfish people who wants to make money. We live in a materialistic society where most people focus on what can be seen. You don't have to be one of them. The fact that women are queens is a fact that get drowned in all this. We must raise up through all this garbage and be the queen we are. Be confident about who you are and be among people who appreciate you. If someone says something fat phobic remember they say it because they are still scared and who cares about an opinion based on fear and misinformation? Raise above it. Only listen to the truth and the kind. Reject everything else. There is so much garbage in the physical and mental world we must put it where it belongs so we don't walk in it and look at it every day.

My man desire me no matter how big my body is and that has helped me to accept my body. I have changed my attitude towards bodies I see. I see the bigger bodies as belonging to strong women. Strong because they no longer fear other peoples opinion so much that they weaken their bodies and risk getting ill. Why should we look up to or fear those who don't dare to be authentic in every aspect of themselves? What others think and say about fat, bodies, food etc. only affect those who agrees to what they say, so make sure you change your mind into what is true, natural and healthy. Fat or not you are queen! Start acting like one. Don't discriminate anyone (including yourself) and be good to yourself. Life is too short not to challenge our fears. 

I have come to this: That I now prefer to look/be natural than fake a look. I prefer to be authentic instead of fake skinny. I also are so done with starvation. I prefer a bigger body than always feeling deprived and like a zombie. I prefer to be liked for who I am instead so I don't have to fake it forever and feel like crap forever too. 

If you fear weight gain ask yourself what you are most afraid of and how likely that is to happen and if it did happen how would you react and what would you do? 

Imagine that everyone accepts your natural body. Then you would accept it too, wouldn't you? And that is how it should be. Everyone should. If someone don't they have an issue that you should not take offence by. As long as you stand for what is right and good what others say won't hurt you.

Hearing comments like: "You look healthy now" is hard for us in recovery. It is common to translate looking well/healthy with looking fat because for us anything else than very lean and skinny is scary. I think what we call fat is lean or slightly chubby for most people, at least when we see it on ourselves. I find it hard hearing such comments because if I am looking healthy to one appointment, what about the next when I have gain even more? I am afraid they will say stupid things like: You have gained enough now. Then I will be so angry because that is like asking me to restrict again to keep that weight and that is disordered. 

Diet culture mindset is frightening because it is about manipulation of how the body look which we want to stop doing so it is the opposite of supportive for us. Most people don't use their heads much so we have to be strong in our own beliefs so what others say doesn't throw us off balance. We are challenging our worst fears now, remember, so obviously we will hear some triggering comments to make us stronger and less fearful of such mindsets and comments in the future. We will rise above it because our own opinions always matters more than others, so when we are certain that we prefer what's natural and healthy we let others manipulate their bodies driven by fear as much as they want. It is their life. If they try to push their ways on us we just reject.

Anorexia is the embodiment of a sick society

When we who suffers from anorexia tries to get well we find that most people in the western world can't support us because they too are not well. They don't listen and trust their bodies enough either. They are controlled by external factors too: Body ideals, nutrition advice, diet culture, fat phobia, you name it- so we end up supporting them instead. Educating them, help them overcome their distrust in their bodies and fat phobia. Us with anorexia are the embodiments of a sick society where people emphasize appearance, body control, repressing emotions and are fat shaming. As long as the society is sick there will be people suffering from anorexia. 

When we try to get well by being kind to our bodies no one seem to understand. Many people see no harm in controlling the body and denying it food when it is hungry. They see no harm in exercise even though the body is malnourished (I have heard several physical therapists suggesting strength training when they know I am in a caloric deficit). When I told a friend of mine I wanted to start eating enough because I felt weak she asked how many calories I normally ate. When I had told her she said that was not very little. And that was the only and last thing she said on the matter, literally discouraging me from stop dieting. Those with anorexia go from one extreme to the other: From not listening to our bodies at all to honoring it fully. Most people are somewhere in between that so they think we are weird when we are so kind to our bodies suddenly that we sleep and rest a lot and indulge in a lot of good food and snacks. Also that we don't stop the weight gain when we have reached our set point weight. I have heard people call extreme hunger for appetite out of control and eating a lot because we are starved for binging (meaning eating too much).

People can not trust their bodies because they are not used to listen to it. They are not tuned into it so they can not understand. They are used to turn outwards for guidance. So when we say we will honor our body signals instead of being guided by the restrictive voice of anorexia they don't fully support that because they wouldn't dare to let only their bodies be their guide. They also fear they would end up fat if they ate according the cravings of their bodies and rested and slept as much as the body seemed to need. When we get well we feel like we are walking alone before everyone else and open up new land for everyone to partake in if they dare to follow. 

So much research is going on finding out what foods are good and what foods are bad. It seems like "everything in moderation" is lost in the equation. Some claim carbohydrates are bad, others say we should avoid all fats, some say we should only avoid omega 6, the list is long, but if we detach ourselves from all the theories and think for a second we all know we need it all in moderation, even nuts and chocolate, if we ask our bodies. I don't think any food is bad, but the way it is prepared can make it more or less healthy. (Cooking in oils at high temperatures is one unhealthy way of preparing food. Eating the oil, or even better eating the food the oil came from without heating it up is something different).

If we didn't need chocolate our body wouldn't crave it, would it? You may say the craving is rather a sugar addiction, but why do some people even crave dark chocolate with little or no added sugars then? If sugar is bad why do the body crave it? The reason is sugar is not just bad. We only hear about how bad it is or rather just that it is bad. Too much of anything is bad. If we trust that our bodies won't only crave chocolate forever, but wants a variety of foods and snacks we have no reason to fear our cravings and can trust our bodies. When we do that there is no need to compare how we eat with how others eat anymore because we are no longer unsure what and how much to eat. We will turn to our bodies for answers. 

Just think about how many who make money based on our insecurities! They want us to be dependent on what they have to offer or they would be jobless. The plastic surgeon doesn't want to help you to accept the way you look. He want to change it to make money. He is glad you have fallen into the trap saying: "I am not good enough. No one will love me the way I naturally am." 

The cosmetic industry tells you to first wash off the fat that lubricates your skin and then put on a artificial skin lubricant (cream). Same with your hair. First wash out the fat, then add in balm or oil. And we fall for it because no one tells us to trust our bodies. To trust nature. There is so many authors who has written books about how to eat right. Every new theory gets attention and gets sold as long as people don't trust their bodies. When many mums have fat phobia, controls what and how much their kids are allowed to eat and more or less starve their kids we haven't learned to listen to our bodies. The anorexia voice is based on the voice and attitude of our mums and/or the rest of the fat phobic comments we have heard and read.

We live in a society of manipulation. Those with anorexia are very good at that. Trying to make the body work without giving it enough fuel. We have many tricks up our sleeves to get the result we want. How to have energy to do exercise without food-fuel, how to repress hunger etc. We are admired for our self discipline and how we master our bodies, but why? Because most people don't value what is natural, kind and healthy. They see nothing wrong with going on diets; Literally weakening their bodies on purpose, giving the body no choice but to be a cannibal; Eating itself up. 

People think of diets as removing fat on their bodies while fact is the body will shrink everything it consists of, inner organs and teeth included. Intuitive eating that could be the answer to getting us back to normal eating is promoted as a tool to lose weight. Most people would love to hear our diet tricks too. They follow tricks themselves. We can read about how to manipulate the body anywhere, but these efforts are destructive. An example is a theory claiming if you eat enough protein when you are dieting you will lose fat and less muscle mass. I think if we don't give the body enough fuel it will not use much of that protein we feed it with to rebuild muscle mass (except inner organs hopefully), but convert it to glucose to have energy for the demands of the body to function properly. I was stick thin when I ate mostly protein because I had no energy to use my muscles and the body used my protein intake and muscle mass for fuel. When you eat mostly protein and too little calories you will have very little energy because the body uses energy to convert the protein into glucose. 

Another myth I fell for was believing eating carbohydrates and fats in the same meal would make the body use the carbohydrates for fuel, but store the fat in the fat tissue. You only store fat if you eat too many calories though, because the body will use the fat you fed it with for energy (and other things) if you didn't overfeed it. 

Anorexia is the embodiment of a sick society. That may be why people find the illness fascinating. People can project all their sick perceptions and repressed feelings on these individuals. Their intense vanity, shallowness, pride, body insecurities, fakeness, materialism, lack of control over body impulses or the rejection of them, fat phobia, greed, lack of self worth, envy, lack of trust in nature/bodies. You name what more I forgot to mention.

Us with anorexia are the personalization of a sick society and when we are fully healed we can help the whole society to heal with us because we have carried the problems on our backs, we found the cause of the illness and the remedy to get well.