I have not yet found a common denominator among all who develop an ED. I can think of two that I have not seen mentioned anywhere and the first one is that we somehow- maybe from sexual abuse, comments on our body, growing up in an environment where looks is a hot topic, doing a sport that requires a thin body- was brought to focus a lot on our body and therefor used our body when we needed to solve an unsolvable problem. The unsolvable problem is cause nr 2.
Lack of love. I can see many write on the famous ED forum they think they will be more loveable if they get thinner. I think they already lacked love in their life and because getting love is out of their control they try to do something to get it anyway. They try that by changing their body because of cause number one. A desperate attempt they know deep down will fail. If they grew up in an environment where being knowledgable was considered attractive I don't think they would have done the same.
As a child we really need love from those closest to us so we pick up everything they say they approve and disapprove of. This way we also learn love is not unconditional; We have to be a certain way to be loved. If we hear a lot of talk about appearance we will believe this is highly valued by those who talk about it. No wonder we think of becoming thin when we need love then.
I don't think any of us would be destructive if we had the love we needed (the way we needed it to be shown to us) from those around us and was in a safe environment where we could be who we are. If those around us showed love without conditions we would not need to change, we could just follow our calling and live our life.
As grown ups we can find people who do love us unconditionally and let go of changing our body.
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