Purification

I used to purge. I think I needed to purge up all the toxic and negative comments mum had fed me with. (No wonder many of us likes clean eating, becomes vegan and fruitarians) Now I just feel my upsetting emotions and perhaps write or talk about what thoughts comes up with them if it comes any. To feel the emotions purifies us. If we feel them they will go away. Instead of running upset to binge/purge until relaxed I stop running away from my feelings, I sit with my feelings until i am relaxed. We shouldn't act when upset. It can be destructive. We need to learn how to manage our emotions. First step is to not run away, next is to accept them (not identify with them) and feel them. That way we get to understand ourselves, what we like, dislike, what hurts us and so on. To find words to describe or illustrate all the different emotions and feelings was helpful to me. I was so nice to find words on what I felt, like upset, confused, despair and so on. If you can not find the acceptance you need from within find someone who will support you with that kind of care so you can learn how to yourself. Or If you believe in God to let him partake will help you forget about the world and fearlessly feel and express what is inside.

Comments from others in recovery

The triggering things most people are able to say is the hardest parts of recovery, I think. I hope I will be able to be understanding without getting upset in the future. It should be possible because it is easy to understand the shallow self centered comments and harder for others to understand us deeply because they don't have the experience to do so and without us educating them first we have no reason to expect them to either. For the worst cases of shallow and self centered it can take time and repetition, but I trust that if people are educated well enough they will eventually understand. So many people are shallow, we have to avoid being close to them and find the few people we can feel comfortable around. I just started to eat more and I expect several people will think: She has gained weight, she doesn't look as good anymore etc, but soon they will be used to seeing me like that and not think about it anymore. I have taken pride in how i look so it will be humiliating, but if I look at it objectively it really doesn't matter what I weigh and how i look. I don't want to have pride, but self respect and one doesn't get self respect based on looks. One have to focus on inner qualities. And that is what we want, we don't want to be like those who utter superficial opinions. So let them focus on looks while we focus on what really matters.