Woke up this morning surprised to find blood. I did not expect my period to come so soon. But I am happy! I eat around 2300 calories now and I feel that helps to gain. Thank God I say, because I could not manage to eat more than I do now. My tits are tender and feels bigger. And there is fat on my hips. My nerves feels protected and stress and anxiety is almost gone at all times. Sometimes I ask my self if I really am doing the right thing eating so much or that I am crazy (because it is so opposite of what i have done my whole life). I also wonder if I can handle a big body, but then i remind me that sickness and death are the option, and that restriction may feel safe, but is far from it.
I am doing great. I have no energy, but I am fine. It will come. Maybe i have to wait years, but I will have my energy back some day.
Now i understand that i have little energy because my body wants the energy to heal. Last time i tried gaining I stopped the recovery because i thought i had less energy because I was so little active. Stupid me. I also understand that it is not at a certain weight I lose and get my period. It is the amount of food that decide. If I eat 1500 calories I lose it. If I eat 1800 or more (not sure about the number) I get it back.
I am doing great. I have no energy, but I am fine. It will come. Maybe i have to wait years, but I will have my energy back some day.
Now i understand that i have little energy because my body wants the energy to heal. Last time i tried gaining I stopped the recovery because i thought i had less energy because I was so little active. Stupid me. I also understand that it is not at a certain weight I lose and get my period. It is the amount of food that decide. If I eat 1500 calories I lose it. If I eat 1800 or more (not sure about the number) I get it back.
