I remember being humiliated several times and when it happened I was so embarrassed I wanted to disappear, shrink into thin air, but to walk away would not have helped. When I feel this I feel tiny and worthless, but from the outside, in others eyes, I see my body as huge because I feel so exposed, but speechless. I think this is why I want to make my body smaller. I try to avoid a new humiliation, to feel exposed and big. But it can happen at any size so it does not help at all. If I had expressed my anger the times it happened perhaps I would have kept my sanity.
