Don't change your body to be seen just because your parents and certain pigs can't see deeper than the skin. There are people who can see who you are behind the body. Who care about what you express through your body rather than looking at how it looks. There are loving people out there who can genuinely care about you. You just have to find them.
It was not you who were disgusting. It was the guy that flashed himself that was. Don't think he tells the truth. What is true for him may not be true for you. He says what he says because he wants to use you sexually. He doesn't care about you at all. Don't listen to him. Avoid him. Do not trust what any grown up say. Trust your body and what you feel is right. Especially when he says sex and love is two different things. It is possible for some people to have sex without love, like this disgusting pig, but that doesn't mean you don't feel love when you are attracted to someone sexually. There are different levels of love. There is erotic love, but also a higher love that is unconditional and divine and that can be expressed through selfless acts. Pork is not disgusting. This pig was and it is him you should avoid. You are not like him at all.
Know that all the girls that are mean to you envy you and wants to drag you down to their level, your sister and mum included. They even lie. Don't trust them when they say weird things. It is better to be alone than to have to do something you feel is wrong to do, just to be able to hang out with certain people. I support you when you don't want to hang out with the shallow girls who just wants a laugh, but avoid the ones that are destructive/negative and never laughs as well. Search for religious and intelligent people to hang out with. Fuck hanging out with people who want to drink, party and use drugs. You feel you don't fit in anywhere because it is true. You are not like them. You are spiritual and should hang out with religious people and learn how to meditate and pray because it is possible to communicate with God because God is within you and everyone else. And you are able to connect with Him because you are highly sensitive. You are a writer. A thinker. A creative artist. You can be anything you want. Learn anything you want and are interested in knowing more about.
Your dad, mum and brother are narcissist. Meaning they don't understand you, they lack insight in themselves and empathy. They see nothing wrong with themselves so they put all the blame on you. Be aware of their manipulations. Be aware of charming guys too that tries to win you over by giving you attention because when they have won you over they will change and just want to use you. They are narcissists too.
If you don't truly love someone move on to someone else. Don't feel that you have to have sex with someone just because you are in a relationship with them. You never have to have sex unless you really want to and you can stop the act when ever you feel like. Read about tantra thoroughly from an early age when you start to feel the sexual energy. Karezza too. Sexual energy can be released on any level, not just the physical. Do not release it physically. And learn how to meditate and pray because it is possible to communicate with God because God is within you.
Do not believe your mum when she says she can't afford your ballet classes anymore. She wants to spend money on her looks instead. She is planning to take a face lift when she pretends she lacks money and wants you to feel sorry for her. Your mum is a selfish bitch. Do not listen to her constant criticism. She criticize because she only thinks her ways is ok. She doesn't even love herself. She doesn't respect herself either. Yes she is weak as you know so don't fear her. She is not dangerous. She is mean until you stop her.
You are not able to take care of yourself when you are only ten years old, honey. Do not think every woman is selfish like your parents, your friends parents and siblings. Other adults may care about you even though your parents doesn't, so try to talk to others because you need someone to care about you. Talk to the children service or the nurse at school.
Do not avoid learning things just because you are not perfect in those subjects already. Follow your dreams even though you are not perfect. You are good enough and can always improve. When someone corrects you (I am not talking about destructive criticism like your mum "gives" now) it is suppose to help you improve, not to tell you that you are a failure. You are not a failure just because you can improve and are not perfect already. No one is perfect and you don't disappoint anyone by showing signs of imperfections. Just relax. You are good enough as you are. You are so good at school you can choose to be anything. To ask doesn't mean you are stupid. It only means you want to learn. Every intelligent and knowledgeable person asks a lot of question.
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