Spellbound

The following is written a little black and white to make it easier to understand and instead of the word "you" it could have been written "me". 

When the people around you that matter to you don't see you, only your body, naturally you will use your body to communicate to them that you are not your body, by shrinking it to say: See, I can shrink it, so it can't be me! 

Criticism can be like a spell that binds you to the critical persons view. You understand they only accept you if you live up to their liking, so instead of saying: "I am finding someone else to be around. Someone who accept me the way I am" you stay, because you don't know anyone who can see you for who you are. Everyone you know is the same way; Only seeing the obvious, not your soul,  so you are either trapped or on your own. As trapped you think: Ok, if I only make sure I am as thin as they want me to be, they will accept me and I can be fully me, free and seen. Its just my body that is the problem. That should be possible to fix.

But if they could not see you beyond the body when your appearance was not accepted, they never will. They could not meet your need of being seen beyond the body and kind of put the blame on your body for this lack. Your body was never the problem, but their lack of ability or willingness to see beyond it, and every body else, for that matter, was.

Their criticism trapped you. They got you now so they did not have to spend their life alone even though they only cared about themselves. They knew they could not attract you with love so instead they bound you with a spell implying you are unworthy of their love instead of admitting they have none. If they got you to focus on your body they could keep on focusing on the material stuff in peace. They had you in their world. The physical world. People like that will not compliment you or acknowledge ever, so you can be stuck there for eternity. You will never experience what you hoped for, to eventually be seen, to feel free. You will instead never feel you are thin enough because the love never shows. No matter how thin you get they are still just focusing on your body.

This goes for men as well. They see your body. See you as an object. No matter what you weigh they still do this. You are trapped in the physical world. 

I wish I had rejected my parents much earlier and been on my own until I finally found someone who could see me instead of being in this trap for so long. So many years went by before I had to give up the hope of being loved by them. So many years of misery. 

Do not do the same mistake as me. It is not the body that needs to change. You need to change what you focus on even though others don't. Let the people who only care about the physical plane care about it without you. Move on to the psychological, express your emotions, find your true values, your calling and find the reality. Leave the illusions behind and let those who love them live in them until they feel trapped and need you to help them out.