Body language

Anorexia was my body language

saying I am fragile, handle me with care.

An illusion I felt protected by

as a good girl who had learned

to show the other cheek

and not how to protect myself.

If someone forced themselves on me

I'd freeze.

After many attempts to get some attention, be heard and seen, for years, I gave up. Emotionally starved for attention, utterly lonely, I used the symbolic language instead. I did not really think it would work, but I had tried everything else to get attention/love and I was desperate. No one says: Please love me or please give me attention. No, so symbolic language it is.

I got a tiny bit attention that way, though. Anger from my dad and many years later worry from my mum when I had become very thin. It did not help because they did not ask why or what they could do to help. They kept on living their life with blinders on.

I am not a child anymore. I just thought I would share in case someone can relate. My suggestion is: Do not think you are unworthy or flawed just because they don't give you attention. It is not you, it is them who are flawed. Find someone who have attention to give, heal your wounds with the love and care about yourself and others.