Now and then I hear people say if you don't work you don't deserve to eat - and when I ask if they really mean it they say: Yes, it says so in the bible. I think this quote is ingrained in a lot of people and it causes many disabled people to feel bad for not contributing to society.
I have always had a feeling of worthlessness. To reduce myself and not eat enough made me feel less guilty. In recovery when I ate what I needed without working the guilt was huge. I was convinced I had to work to deserve to feel worthy and that God was behind this feeling! I cried a lot. I got an idea for a way to work so I could feel better about myself. After a month I was surprised the feeling of worthlessness was gone even though I had not worked yet.
Now I understand that I just needed to deal with my feeling of worthlessness instead of always trying to reduce it by eating less. Feel it for real. I no longer believe we have to work or act a certain way to feel worthy. We just need to believe we are appreciated. If we feel loved just because of who we are we no longer think we have to act or look a certain way. I think we are here to learn to love. Love unconditionally. Not to work, not to please others, but to love.
